第70章 BOOK THE SECOND：THE GOLDEN THREAD(53)

'I believe，'returned Doctor Manette，'that there had been a strong and extraordinary revival of the train of thought andremembrance that was the first cause of the malady. Some intense associations of the most distressing nature were vividly recalled，I think.It is probable that there had long been a dread lurking in his mind，that those associations would be recalled—say，under certain circumstances—say，on a particular occasion.He tried to prepare himself in vain；perhaps the effort to prepare himself made him less able to bear it.'

'Would he remember what took place in the relapse？'asked Mr. Lorry with natural hesitation.

The Doctor looked desolately round the room，shook his head，and answered，in a low voice，'Not at all.'

'Now，as to the future，'hinted Mr. Lorry.

'As to the future，'said the Doctor，recovering firmness，'I should have great hope. As it pleased Heaven in its mercy to restore him so soon，I should have great hope.He，yielding under the pressure of a complicated something，long dreaded and long vaguely foreseen and contended against，and recovering after the cloud had burst and passed，I should hope the worst was over.'

'Well，well！That's good comfort. I am thankful！'said Mr.Lorry.

'I am thankful！'repeated the Doctor，bending his head with reverence.

'There are two other points，'said Mr. Lorry，'on which I am anxious to be instructed.I may go on？'

'You cannot do your friend a better service.'The Doctor gave him his hand.

'To the first，then. He is of a studious habit，and unusually energetic；he applies himself with great ardour to the acquisition of professional knowledge，to the conducting of experiments，tomany things.Now，does he do too much？'

'I think not. It may be the character of his mind，to be always in singular need of occupation.That may be，in part，natural to it；in part，the result of affliction.The less it was occupied with healthy things，the more it would be in danger of turning in the unhealthy direction.He may have observed himself，and made the discovery.'

'You are sure that he is not under too great a strain？'

'I think I am quite sure of it.'

'My dear Manette，if he were overworked now—'

'My dear Lorry，I doubt if that could easily be. There has been a violent stress in one direction，and it needs a counterweight.'

'Excuse me，as a persistent man of business. Assuming，for a moment，that he was overworked；it would show itself in some renewal of this disorder？'

'I do not think so. I do not think，'said Doctor Manette with the firmness of self-conviction，'that anything but the one train of association would renew it.I think that，henceforth，nothing but some extraordinary jarring of that chord could renew it.After what has happened，and after his recovery，I find it difficult to imagine any such violent sounding of that string again.I trust，and I almost believe，that the circumstances likely to renew it are exhausted.'

He spoke with the diffidence of a man who knew how slight a thing would overset the delicate organisation of the mind，and yet with the confidence of a man who had slowly won his assurance out of personal endurance and distress. It was not for his friend to abate that confidence.He professed himself more relieved and encouraged than he really was，and approached his second andlast point.He felt it to be the most difficult of all；but，remembering his old Sunday morning conversation with Miss Pross，and remembering what he had seen in the last nine days，he knew that he must face it.

'The occupation resumed under the influence of this passing affliction so happily recovered from，'said Mr. Lorry，clearing his throat，'we will call Blacksmith's work，Blacksmith's work.We will say，to put a case and for the sake of illustration，that he had been used，in his bad time，to work at a little forge.We will say that he was unexpectedly found at his forge again.Is it not a pity that he should keep it by him？'

The Doctor shaded his forehead with his hand，and beat his foot nervously on the ground.

'You do not find it easy to advise me？'said Mr. Lorry.'I quite understand it to be a nice question.And yet I think—'And there he shook his head，and stopped.

'You see，'said Doctor Manette，turning to him after an uneasy pause，'it is very hard to explain，consistently，the innermost workings of this poor man's mind. He once yearned so frightfully for that occupation，and it was so welcome when it came；no doubt it relieved his pain so much，by substituting the perplexity of the fingers for the perplexity of the brain，and by substituting，as he became more practised，the ingenuity of the hands，for the ingenuity of the mental torture；that he has never been able to bear the thought of putting it quite out of his reach.Even now，when I believe he is more hopeful of himself than he has ever been，and even speaks of himself with a kind of confidence，the idea that he might need that old employment，and not find it，gives him a sudden sense of terror，like that which one may fancystrikes to the heart of a lost child.'

He looked like his allusion as he raised his eyes to Mr. Lorry's face.

'But may not—mind！I ask for information，as a plodding man of business who only deals with such material objects as guineas，shillings，and banknotes—may not the retention of the thing involve the retention of the idea？If the thing were gone，my dear Manette，might not the fear go with it？In short，is it not a concession to the misgiving，to keep the forge？'

There was another silence.

'You see，too，'said the Doctor，tremulously，'it is such an old companion.'

'I would not keep it，'said Mr. Lorry，shaking his head；for he gained in firmness as he saw the Doctor disquieted.'I would recommend him to sacrifice it.I only want your authority.I am sure it does no good.Come！Give me your authority，like a dear good man.For his daughter's sake，my dear Manette！'

Very strange to see what a struggle there was within him！