第5章 青葱象牙塔(2)

14 Football‐Undefeated

As a freshman of Wright University.I was excited to see"W.U.Football‐Undefeated"on several students'T‐shirts.I called home and boasted about this to my family，who in turn shared it with relatives and friends.

After one week of eagerly awaiting word of the first game.I finally met one of the T‐shirt owners and asked when the season began.

He glanced down at his shirt and then at me."Look，freshman，"

he said，"we are undefeated because we don't have a football team！"

从未败过的球队

作为莱特大学的一名新生，我看到几个学生T恤衫上印着“莱特大学足球不败”时非常激动。我打电话向家人吹嘘，家人又把这个好消息与亲友们分享。

我翘首等待第一场比赛的消息，一周后终于碰到一位穿着同样T恤衫的人，询问他赛季何时开始。

他低头看了一眼自己的T恤衫，然后看着我说：“听着，新生，我们之所以没有被打败过，是因为我们没有足球队！”

15 We Are Here！

Custom at Duquesne University dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late，the class was canceled.One professor arrived early for a 10 a.m.lecture.He placed his hat on the desk，and went to the room.Before he knew it，it was 10：10.By the time he got back to his classroom，it was empty.

The next day，he let his students have it."When my hat is here，"he fumed，"I'm here！"

The following day，the professor arrived at 10 a.m.He was met by the sight of hats on 28 desks-and no students.

我们来了！

迪尤肯大学有一个惯例，如果一位教授迟到10分钟，该节课就取消。因为早上10点有课，一位教授到得很早，他将帽子放在讲台上，就去了教师办公室。不知不觉中，已到了10点10分。当他赶到教室，教室已空无一人。

第二天，他怒气冲冲地批评学生：“我的帽子放在这里，我就在这里！”

第三天，教授早上10点来到教室，他看到28张课桌上放着28顶帽子--但没有学生。

16 The English Literature Professor

Our English literature professor always conveyed his opinion of his student's work with originality.The way he returned one particularly difficult test was typical.

He passed out the papers with the highest scores at head level.Tests in the next range were passed out at desk level，the next at lap level； then the rest of the tests were slid along the floor.This done，the professor announced that there were five papers that the owners could dig up at midnight at a location he would reveal to them after class.

英国文学教授

我们的英国文学教授总是具有创意地表达他对学生学习的看法。他发回特别难的测验试卷的方式就非常典型。

他发最高分的试卷时，手举到头那么高。发分数低些的试卷时，手抬到桌子那么高。发再低些的试卷时，手放到了膝部。其他试卷则顺着地面滑出来。做完这个后，教授宣布还有五份试卷，下课后他将告诉这几个学生半夜到哪里去挖。

17 Nine Times Nine

A college football coach had recruited a top talent，but the player couldn't pass the school's entrance exam.Needing the recruit badly，the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally.The dean agreed，and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.

"Okey，"the dean said，"What is nine times nine？"

The recruit mulled it over for a moment，then said，"I think it's eighty‐one."

Suddenly the coach leapt to his feet."Please，Dean，"he begged，

"give him another chance！"

9乘以9

一名大学足球教练曾经招收了一个超级天才，但那个运动员却无法通过学校的入学考试。由于急需这个运动员，因此这名教练就去找了院长，问这个运动员是否可以参加口试。院长表示同意。第二天，那个运动员和教练在院长办公室就坐。

“好了，”院长说，“9乘以9是多少？”

那个运动员仔细想了一会儿，才说：“我想是81吧。”

那名教练突然一跃而起，恳求说：“院长，请再给他一次机会吧！”

18 Speak Up

My son，Brad，entered a lecture hall one morning prepared to take a major exam.When the professor announced that the test had been postponed，another student rose and complained that the delay would mess up his study schedule for other courses.

"What is your name，young man？"demanded the professor.

"John，"the student replied，"John."

"Well，John，"said the professor，"I'm going to give you an A for this exam and excuse you from taking it，because you had the courage to speak up."

"In that case，sir，"the young man responded，"I'm Howard."

大胆直言

一天早上，我的儿子布拉德走进讲堂，准备参加一门主课的考试。当教授宣布说考试已经推迟时，另一名学生站起来，抱怨说推迟将会打乱其他几门课程的学习计划。

“你叫什么名字，年轻人？”教授问道。

“约翰，”那个学生回答说，“约翰，先生。”

“好吧，约翰，”教授说，“我要给你这门考试一个优，不让你再参加这门课的考试，因为你有勇气大胆直言。”

“先生，那样的话，”那个年轻人回答说，“我叫霍华德。”

19 Sleep over Lectures

Two students were waiting in line to register for college classes.

The first student asked，"Jack，what courses are you going to take？"

The second student answered，"history，English，geography，trigonometry，and physical education."

"Which history course？"

"The history of the Civil War，Professor Mark is teaching it."

"Not the famous professor Mark！He's such a bore！"

"How is that？"

"Over half the class sleep while White lectures."

"Fine，that's just the class I was looking for."

"I don't understand."

"I don't sleep well and I need a cure for my insomnia."

课上睡觉

两名学生在等待注册学院的课程。

第一个学生问：“杰克，你要选什么课？”

第二个学生回答：“历史、英语、地理、三角学和体育。”

“哪个历史课？”

“内战历史，马克教授教的。”

“不是那个着名的马克教授吧！他太令人讨厌了。”

“怎么回事？”

“在他的课上一多半的学生都会睡觉。”

“好极了，这正是我要找的课。”

“我不明白。”

“我睡眠不好，因此我需要一个能治愈我失眠症的办法。”

20 The Proportions Are Incorrect

When my brother，Mike，attended the University of Min‐nesota，an art‐student friend of his asked if he could paint Mike's portrait for a class assignment.Mike agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait，only to receive a C minus.The art student asked the professor why the grade was so poor.

The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect."The head is too big，"the professor explained，"The shoulders are too wide，and the feet are enormous."

The next day，the art student brought Mike to see the professor.He took one look at my brother."Okay，A minus."he said.

比例不对

弟弟麦克在明尼苏达大学上学时，一个学美术的朋友问，他能否画一张麦克的画像作为课堂作业。麦克表示同意。于是，那个美术学生就画了，交上后，只得了个C‐。那个美术学生去问教授为什么给他这么低的分。

老师说他的画比例不对。“头太大，”教授解释道，“肩太宽，脚也太大。”

第二天，那个美术学生带麦克去见教授。教授瞧了我的弟弟一眼，说：“好吧，A‐。”

21 A Girl's Examination

A beautiful girl reports for her University Final Examination that consists of Y/N‐type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall，stares at the question paper for three minutes，and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out，removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet.

With in half an hour she finishes her paper whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.During the last 10 minutes，she is desperately throwing the coin.

The moderator，alarmed，approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour.But，"she says，"I'm rechecking my answers."