第15章

During this stage of her secret distress, she conceived her last child.Horrible crisis, which revealed a future of anguish! In the midst of her husband's abstractions love showed itself on this occasion an abstraction even greater than the rest.Her woman's pride, hurt for the first time, made her sound the depths of the unknown abyss which separated her from the Claes of earlier days.From that time Balthazar's condition grew rapidly worse.The man formerly so wrapped up in his domestic happiness, who played for hours with his children on the parlor carpet or round the garden paths, who seemed able to exist only in the light of his Pepita's dark eyes, did not even perceive her pregnancy, seldom shared the family life, and even forgot his own.

The longer Madame Claes postponed inquiring into the cause of his preoccupation the less she dared to do so.At the very idea, her blood ran cold and her voice grew faint.At last the thought occurred to her that she had ceased to please her husband, and then indeed she was seriously alarmed.That fear now filled her mind, drove her to despair, then to feverish excitement, and became the text of many an hour of melancholy reverie.She defended Balthazar at her own expense, calling herself old and ugly; then she imagined a generous though humiliating consideration for her in this secret occupation by which he secured to her a negative fidelity; and she resolved to give him back his independence by allowing one of those unspoken divorces which make the happiness of many a marriage.

Before bidding farewell to conjugal life, Madame Claes made some attempt to read her husband's heart, and found it closed.Little by little, she saw him become indifferent to all that he had formerly loved; he neglected his tulips, he cared no longer for his children.

There could be no doubt that he was given over to some passion that was not of the heart, but which, to a woman's mind, is not less withering.His love was dormant, not lost: this might be a consolation, but the misfortune remained the same.

The continuance of such a state of things is explained by one word,--hope, the secret of all conjugal situations.It so happened that whenever the poor woman reached a depth of despair which gave her courage to question her husband, she met with a few brief moments of happiness when she was able to feel that if Balthazar was indeed in the clutch of some devilish power, he was permitted, sometimes at least, to return to himself.At such moments, when her heaven brightened, she was too eager to enjoy its happiness to trouble him with importunate questions: later, when she endeavored to speak to him, he would suddenly escape, leave her abruptly, or drop into the gulf of meditation from which no word of hers could drag him.