第3章

Feb.20.-It has been quite a mild day for the season, and the doctor said I might drive out.I enjoyed getting the air very much.I feel just well as ever, and long to get back to school.I think God has been very good to me in making me well again, and wish I loved Him better.But, oh, I am not sure I do love Him! I hate to own it to myself, and to write it down here, but I will.I do not love to pray.

I am always eager to get it over with and out of the way so as to have leisure to enjoy myself.I mean that this is usually so.This morning I cried a good deal while I was on my knees, and felt sorry for my quick temper and all my bad ways.If I always felt so, perhaps praying would not be such a task.I wish I knew whether anybody exactly as bad as I am ever got to heaven at last.I have read ever so many memoirs, and they were all about people who were too good to live, and so died; or else went on a mission.I am not at all like any of them.

March 26.-I have been so busy that I have not said much to you, you poor old journal, you, have I? Somehow I have been behaving quite nicely lately.Everything has gone on exactly to my mind.Mother has not found fault with me once, and father has praised my drawings and seemed proud of me.He says he shall not tell me what my teachers say of me lest it should make me vain.And once or twice when he has met me singing and frisking about the house he has kissed me and called me his dear little Flibbertigibbet, if that's the way to spell it.

When he says that I know he is very fond of me.We are all very happy together when nothing goes wrong.In the long evenings we all sit around the table with our books and our work, and one of us reads aloud.Mother chooses the book and takes her turn in reading.She reads beautifully.Of course the readings do not begin till the lessons are all learned.As to me, my lessons just take no time at all.I have only to read them over once, and there they are.So Ihave a good deal of time to read, and I devour all the poetry I can get hold of.I would rather read "Pollok's Course of Time" than read nothing at all.

APRIL 2.-There are three of mother's friends living near us, each having lots of little children.It is perfectly ridiculous how much those creatures are sick.They send for mother if so much as a pimple comes out on one of their faces.When I have children I don't mean to have such goings on.I shall be careful about what they eat, and keep them from getting cold, and they will keep well of their own accord.

Mrs.Jones has just sent for mother to see her Tommy.It was so provoking.I had coaxed her into letting me have a black silk apron;they are all the fashion now, embroidered in floss silk.I had drawn a lovely vine for mine entirely out of my own head, and mother was going to arrange the pattern for me when that message came, and she had to go.I don't believe anything ails the child! a great chubby thing!

April 3.-Poor Mrs.Jones! Her dear little Tommy is dead! I stayed at home from school to-day and had all the other children here to get them out of their mother's way.How dreadfully she must feel! Mother cried when she told me how the dear little fellow suffered in his last moments.It reminded her of my little brothers who died in the same way, just before I was born.Dear mother! I wonder I ever forget what troubles she has had, and am not always sweet and loving.She has gone now, where she always goes when she feels sad, straight to God.Of course she did not say so, but I know mother.

April 25.-I have not been down in season once this week.I have persuaded mother to let me read some of Scott's novels, and have sat up late and been sleepy in the morning.I wish I could get along with mother as nicely as James does.He is late far oftener than I am, but he never gets into such scrapes about it as I do.This is what happens.He comes down when it suits him.

Mother begins.-"James, I am very much displeased with you."James.-"I should think you would be, mother."Mother, mollified.-"I don't think you deserve any breakfast."James, hypocritically.-"No, I don't think I do, mother."Then mother hurries off and gets something extra for his breakfast.

Now let us see how things go on when I am late.

Mother.-"Katherine" (she always calls me Katherine when she is displeased, and spells it with a K), "Katherine, you are late again;how can you annoy your father so?"

Katherine.-"Of course I don't do it to annoy father or anybody else.

But if I oversleep myself, it is not my fault."Mother.-"I would go to bed at eight o'clock rather than be late as often as you.How should you like it if I were not down to prayers ?"Katherine, muttering.-"Of course that is very different.I don't see why I should be blamed for oversleeping any more than James.I get all the scoldings."Mother sighs and goes off.

I prowl round and get what scraps of breakfast I can.