第50章 Part II.(14)

`The Flour was sent out to Australia (by his friends)in connection with some trouble in Ireland in eighteen-something.The date doesn't matter:there was mostly trouble in Ireland in those days;and nobody,that knew the man,could have the slightest doubt that he helped the trouble --provided he was there at the time.I heard all this from a man who knew him in Australia.The relatives that he was sent out to were soon very anxious to see the end of him.He was as wild as they made them in Ireland.When he had a few drinks,he'd walk restlessly to and fro outside the shanty,swinging his right arm across in front of him with elbow bent and hand closed,as if he had a head in chancery,and muttering,as though in explanation to himself --`"Oi must be walkin'or foightin'!--Oi must be walkin'or foightin'!--Oi must be walkin'or foightin'!"

`They say that he wanted to eat his Australian relatives before he was done;and the story goes that one night,while he was on the spree,they put their belongings into a cart and took to the Bush.

`There's no floury record for several years;then the Flour turned up on the west coast of New Zealand and was never very far from a pub.kept by a cousin (that he had tracked,unearthed,or discovered somehow)at a place called "Th'Canary".I remember the first time I saw the Flour.

`I was on a bit of a spree myself,at Th'Canary,and one evening I was standing outside Brady's (the Flour's cousin's place)with Tom Lyons and Dinny Murphy,when I saw a big man coming across the flat with a swag on his back.

`"B'God,there's the Flour o'Wheat comin'this minute,"says Dinny Murphy to Tom,"an'no one else."

`"B'God,ye're right!"says Tom.

`There were a lot of new chums in the big room at the back,drinking and dancing and singing,and Tom says to Dinny --`"Dinny,I'll bet you a quid an'the Flour'll run against some of those new chums before he's an hour on the spot."`But Dinny wouldn't take him up.He knew the Flour.

`"Good day,Tom!Good day,Dinny!"

`"Good day to you,Flour!"

`I was introduced.

`"Well,boys,come along,"says the Flour.

`And so we went inside with him.The Flour had a few drinks,and then he went into the back-room where the new chums were.

One of them was dancing a jig,and so the Flour stood up in front of him and commenced to dance too.And presently the new chum made a step that didn't please the Flour,so he hit him between the eyes,and knocked him down --fair an'flat on his back.

`"Take that,"he says."Take that,me lovely whipper-snapper,an'lay there!

You can't dance.How dare ye stand up in front of me face to dance when ye can't dance?"`He shouted,and drank,and gambled,and danced,and sang,and fought the new chums all night,and in the morning he said --`"Well,boys,we had a grand time last night.Come and have a drink with me."`And of course they went in and had a drink with him.

`Next morning the Flour was walking along the street,when he met a drunken,disreputable old hag,known among the boys as the "Nipper".

`"Good MORNING,me lovely Flour o'Wheat!"says she.

`"Good MORNING,me lovely Nipper!"says the Flour.

`And with that she outs with a bottle she had in her dress,and smashed him across the face with it.Broke the bottle to smithereens!

`A policeman saw her do it,and took her up;and they had the Flour as a witness,whether he liked it or not.And a lovely sight he looked,with his face all done up in bloody bandages,and only one damaged eye and a corner of his mouth on duty.

`"It's nothing at all,your Honour,"he said to the S.M."only a pin-scratch --it's nothing at all.Let it pass.

I had no right to speak to the lovely woman at all."`But they didn't let it pass,--they fined her a quid.

`And the Flour paid the fine.

`But,alas for human nature!It was pretty much the same even in those days,and amongst those men,as it is now.A man couldn't do a woman a good turn without the dirty-minded blackguards taking it for granted there was something between them.It was a great joke amongst the boys who knew the Flour,and who also knew the Nipper;but as it was carried too far in some quarters,it got to be no joke to the Flour --nor to those who laughed too loud or grinned too long.

`The Flour's cousin thought he was a sharp man.The Flour got "stiff".

He hadn't any money,and his credit had run out,so he went and got a blank summons from one of the police he knew.He pretended that he wanted to frighten a man who owed him some money.

Then he filled it up and took it to his cousin.

`"What d'ye think of that?"he says,handing the summons across the bar.

"What d'ye think of me lovely Dinny Murphy now?"`"Why,what's this all about?"

`"That's what I want to know.I borrowed a five-pound-note off of him a fortnight ago when I was drunk,an'now he sends me that."`"Well,I never would have dream'd that of Dinny,"says the cousin,scratching his head and blinking."What's come over him at all?"`"That's what I want to know."

`"What have you been doing to the man?"

`"Divil a thing that I'm aware of."

`The cousin rubbed his chin-tuft between his forefinger and thumb.

`"Well,what am I to do about it?"asked the Flour impatiently.

`"Do?Pay the man,of course?"

`"How can I pay the lovely man when I haven't got the price of a drink about me?"`The cousin scratched his chin.

`"Well --here,I'll lend you a five-pound-note for a month or two.

Go and pay the man,and get back to work."

`And the Flour went and found Dinny Murphy,and the pair of them had a howling spree together up at Brady's,the opposition pub.

And the cousin said he thought all the time he was being had.

`He was nasty sometimes,when he was about half drunk.For instance,he'd come on the ground when the Orewell sports were in full swing and walk round,soliloquising just loud enough for you to hear;and just when a big event was coming off he'd pass within earshot of some committee men --who had been bursting themselves for weeks to work the thing up and make it a success --saying to himself --`"Where's the Orewell sports that I hear so much about?I don't see them!