第161章 From Deep Experience.(3)
You Sibley used only as a blind,poor child.""Yes,Ik,I loathed and detested him almost from the first.""And in the meantime the sagacious Van Berg and myself were trampling on you like a couple of long-eared beasts.How did you ever forgive us!""Oh,Ik,Ik,my heart is breaking.I've had such dreams the last two weeks.I've dared to think I had learned a little of God's love,and oh--was I blinded by my wishes,by my hopes,by the passionate longing of my heart?--I thought I saw love in his eyes,and heard it in his tones,last evening.Everything now is slipping from me--happiness,hope,and even my faith.But I deserve it all,"she added in her heart."I could almost curse the woman who tried to win him from me."Stanton turned his horses off into a shady and unfrequented side road where they would not be apt to meet any one."Good heavens!"he thought;"this is just the condition of mind that Van warned me to guard against,and,confound him,he is the cause of the evils he feared,and in their worst form.I be hanged if I can understand him.All through July he was Jennie Burton's open suitor--at least he made no secret of it to me,although his cool head enabled him to throw the people of the house off the scent--and now he follows another lady to New York,and leaves his first love on very flimsy pretexts.By Jove!I don't like it,even though it were possible for me to profit by his folly.""My poor little Ida,"he said gently,putting his arms around her,"you and I must stand by each other,for we are like to have rough weather ahead for awhile.It's no kindness to you now to hide the truth.I do not know that Van Berg has formally proposed to Miss Burton,but,as an honorable man,he is committed to her,and I believe he has won her affections,although I confess I don't understand her very well.She has evidently had very deep sorrows in the past,and I am satisfied that she has felt his absence keenly this week.""I deserve it all,"Ida murmured again,but so low he could not hear her,and she gave way to another outburst of grief.
"It will pain even your heart,Ida,to see how slight and pale Miss Burton is becoming.She also appears strangely restless,and takes long walks that are far beyond her strength.""It's all plain,"groaned Ida."How can she act otherwise!Well,she will be comforted now,no matter what becomes of me.""You will be a brave woman,Ida,and pull through all right.""No,Ik,I'm not brave.I could easily die for those I love;but I can't just suffer and be patient,at least I don't see how I can;but I suppose I must."
His arm tightened about her waist,and she felt it trembling.
"Ida,"he said,in a low solemn tone,"promise me before God that whatever happens you will never---""Hush!"she gasped,shuddering,"I will die in God's own way.Iwill endure as best I can."
He stooped down and kissed her tenderly as he said:"Ida,dear,from this hour I'm no longer your cousin merely,but a brother,and your companion in misfortune.I'm going to stand by you and see you through this trouble.Just count on me to shield you in every possible way.I don't care what the world thinks of me,but never a tongue shall wag against you again,or there will be a heavy score to settle with me.Van and I have been good friends,but he's on ticklish ground now.He'll find he can't play fast and loose with two such women as you and Jennie Burton.Curse it all!it isn't like him to do it either.But the world is topsy-turvey,anyhow.""Ik,I plead with you,say nothing,do nothing.Be blind and deaf to everything of which we have spoken.Only help me hide my secret and get away from this place to some other where I am not known.""Has your father any idea of all this?"
Ida explained in part her father's knowledge.
"We can easily manage it then,"he said."I had decided to leave next week.Miss Burton leaves for her college duties very soon also.The idea of that fragile flower being trampled on nine months of the year by a crowd of thoughtless,heedless girls!And so our disastrous summer comes to an end.And yet I'm wrong in applying that term to my own experience.I wish you felt as I do,Ida.Ihaven't a particle of hope,and yet I would not give up my love for Jennie Burton for all the world;and I don't believe I ever shall give it up.I think she is beginning to understand me a little better now,although she does not give me much thought.One day,while you have been gone,I met her returning from one of her walks,and she looked so faint and sad that I could not endure it,and Iwent straight to her and took her hand as I said:'Miss Burton,is there anything Ik Stanton can do to make you happier?It's none of my business,I suppose,but it's breaking my heart to see you becoming so sad and pale.I may seem to you very foolish and Quixotic,but there is no earthly think I would not do or suffer for you.'She did not withdraw her hand as she replied,very gently:
'Mr.Stanton,please do me the kindness to be happy yourself,and forget me.'I could only say,in honesty:'You have asked just the two things which are utterly impossible.'Tears came into her eyes as she replied,with emphasis:'Then,my FRIEND,you can understand me.There is one whom I can never forget.'She was kind enough to say some words about my having been generous and considerate of her feelings,etc.,but no matter about them.We parted,and it's all over as far as she is concerned.When I left town last June I thought I'd be a bachelor always,because I loved my jolly ease.I've a better reason now,Ida.Of course Van must be the one referred to by Miss Burton.You have seen how she looks at him at times when thinking herself unobserved!""Yes,"sighed Ida,"it's all right.God is just,and there is no use of trying to thwart his will.""Well,Ida,I don't know.It's all a snarl to me.Sometimes I think the world goes on the toss-up-a-penny plan,and again it seems almost as if Old Nick himself was behind the scenes.