第52章

It's a duty dinner, you know the sort of thing.""I wish you could have managed it," he said, "I shall have no one to talk to.The A-----s are coming, and they bore me to death.""Why do you ask him?" I suggested.

"Upon my word, I really don't know," he replied.

But to return to our rooks.We were speaking of their social instincts.Some dozen of them--the "scallywags" and bachelors of the community, I judge them to be--have started a Club.For a month past I have been trying to understand what the affair was.Now Iknow: it is a Club.

And for their Club House they have chosen, of course, the tree nearest my bedroom window.I can guess how that came about; it was my own fault, I never thought of it.About two months ago, a single rook--suffering from indigestion or an unhappy marriage, I know not--chose this tree one night for purposes of reflection.He woke me up: I felt angry.I opened the window, and threw an empty soda-water bottle at him.Of course it did not hit him, and finding nothing else to throw, I shouted at him, thinking to frighten him away.He took no notice, but went on talking to himself.I shouted louder, and woke up my own dog.The dog barked furiously, and woke up most things within a quarter of a mile.I had to go down with a boot-jack--the only thing I could find handy--to soothe the dog.

Two hours later I fell asleep from exhaustion.I left the rook still cawing.

The next night he came again.I should say he was a bird with a sense of humour.Thinking this might happen, I had, however, taken the precaution to have a few stones ready.I opened the window wide, and fired them one after another into the tree.After I had closed the window, he hopped down nearer, and cawed louder than ever.I think he wanted me to throw more stones at him: he appeared to regard the whole proceeding as a game.On the third night, as I heard nothing of him, I flattered myself that, in spite of his bravado, I had discouraged him.I might have known rooks better.

What happened when the Club was being formed, I take it, was this:

"Where shall we fix upon for our Club House?" said the secretary, all other points having been disposed of.One suggested this tree, another suggested that.Then up spoke this particular rook:

"I'll tell you where," said he, "in the yew tree opposite the porch.

And I'll tell you for why.Just about an hour before dawn a man comes to the window over the porch, dressed in the most comical costume you ever set eyes upon.I'll tell you what he reminds me of--those little statues that men use for decorating fields.He opens the window, and throws a lot of things out upon the lawn, and then he dances and sings.It's awfully interesting, and you can see it all from the yew tree."That, I am convinced, is how the Club came to fix upon the tree next my window.I have had the satisfaction of denying them the exhibition they anticipated, and I cheer myself with the hope that they have visited their disappointment upon their misleader.

There is a difference between Rook Clubs and ours.In our clubs the respectable members arrive early, and leave at a reasonable hour; in Rook Clubs, it would appear, this principle is reversed.The Mad Hatter would have liked this Club--it would have been a club after his own heart.It opens at half-past two in the morning, and the first to arrive are the most disreputable members.In Rook-land the rowdy-dowdy, randy-dandy, rollicky-ranky boys get up very early in the morning and go to bed in the afternoon.Towards dawn, the older, more orderly members drop in for reasonable talk, and the Club becomes more respectable.The tree closes about six.For the first two hours, however, the goings-on are disgraceful.The proceedings, as often as not, open with a fight.If no two gentlemen can be found to oblige with a fight, the next noisiest thing to fall back upon is held to be a song.It is no satisfaction to me to be told that rooks cannot sing._I_ know that, without the trouble of referring to the natural history book.It is the rook who does not know it; HE thinks he can; and as a matter of fact, he does.You can criticize his singing, you can call it what you like, but you can't stop it--at least, that is my experience.The song selected is sure to be one with a chorus.Towards the end it becomes mainly chorus, unless the soloist be an extra powerful bird, determined to insist upon his rights.

The President knows nothing of this Club.He gets up himself about seven--three hours after all the others have finished breakfast--and then fusses round under the impression that he is waking up the colony, the fat-headed old fool.He is the poorest thing in Presidents I have ever heard of.A South American Republic would supply a better article.The rooks themselves, the married majority, fathers of families, respectable nestholders, are as indignant as I am.I hear complaints from all quarters.

Reflection comes to one as, towards the close of these chill afternoons in early spring, one leans upon the paddock gate watching the noisy bustling in the bare elms.