第8章
She had had to take a cheaper house and she had to work still harder to pay even for that.Sir Baldwin was obliged to be close; his charges were fearful, and the dream of her living with her daughter (a vision she had never mentioned to me) must be renounced."I would have helped with things, and I could have lived perfectly in one room," she said; "I would have paid for everything, and--after all--I'm some one, ain't I? But I don't fit in, and Ethel tells me there are tiresome people she MUST receive.I can help them from here, no doubt, better than from there.She told me once, you know, what she thinks of my picture of life.'Mamma, your picture of life is preposterous!' No doubt it is, but she's vexed with me for letting my prices go down; and I had to write three novels to pay for all her marriage cost me.I did it very well--I mean the outfit and the wedding; but that's why I'm here.At any rate she doesn't want a dingy old woman in her house.I should give it an atmosphere of literary glory, but literary glory is only the eminence of nobodies.
Besides, she doubts my glory--she knows I'm glorious only at Peckham and Hackney.She doesn't want her friends to ask if I've never known nice people.She can't tell them I've never been in society.She tried to teach me better once, but I couldn't learn.It would seem too as if Peckham and Hackney had had enough of me; for (don't tell any one!) I've had to take less for my last than I ever took for anything." I asked her how little this had been, not from curiosity, but in order to upbraid her, more disinterestedly than Lady Luard had done, for such concessions.She answered "I'm ashamed to tell you,"and then she began to cry.
I had never seen her break down, and I was proportionately moved; she sobbed, like a frightened child, over the extinction of her vogue and the exhaustion of her vein.Her little workroom seemed indeed a barren place to grow flowers, and I wondered, in the after years (for she continued to produce and publish) by what desperate and heroic process she dragged them out of the soil.I remember asking her on that occasion what had become of Leolin, and how much longer she intended to allow him to amuse himself at her cost.She rejoined with spirit, wiping her eyes, that he was down at Brighton hard at work--he was in the midst of a novel--and that he FELT life so, in all its misery and mystery, that it was cruel to speak of such experiences as a pleasure."He goes beneath the surface," she said, "and he FORCES himself to look at things from which he would rather turn away.Do you call that amusing yourself? You should see his face sometimes! And he does it for me as much as for himself.He tells me everything--he comes home to me with his trouvailles.We are artists together, and to the artist all things are pure.I've often heard you say so yourself." The novel that Leolin was engaged in at Brighton was never published, but a friend of mine and of Mrs.
Stormer's who was staying there happened to mention to me later that he had seen the young apprentice to fiction driving, in a dogcart, a young lady with a very pink face.When I suggested that she was perhaps a woman of title with whom he was conscientiously flirting my informant replied: "She is indeed, but do you know what her title is?" He pronounced it--it was familiar and descriptive--but I won't reproduce it here.I don't know whether Leolin mentioned it to his mother: she would have needed all the purity of the artist to forgive him.I hated so to come across him that in the very last years I went rarely to see her, though I knew that she had come pretty well to the end of her rope.I didn't want her to tell me that she had fairly to give her books away--I didn't want to see her cry.She kept it up amazingly, and every few months, at my club, Isaw three new volumes, in green, in crimson, in blue, on the book-table that groaned with light literature.Once I met her at the Academy soiree, where you meet people you thought were dead, and she vouchsafed the information, as if she owed it to me in candour, that Leolin had been obliged to recognise insuperable difficulties in the question of FORM, he was so fastidious; so that she had now arrived at a definite understanding with him (it was such a comfort) that SHEwould do the form if he would bring home the substance.That was now his position--he foraged for her in the great world at a salary.
"He's my 'devil,' don't you see? as if I were a great lawyer: he gets up the case and I argue it." She mentioned further that in addition to his salary he was paid by the piece: he got so much for a striking character, so much for a pretty name, so much for a plot, so much for an incident, and had so much promised him if he would invent a new crime.
"He HAS invented one," I said, "and he's paid every day of his life.""What is it?" she asked, looking hard at the picture of the year;"Baby's Tub," near which we happened to be standing.
I hesitated a moment."I myself will write a little story about it, and then you'll see."But she never saw; she had never seen anything, and she passed away with her fine blindness unimpaired.Her son published every scrap of scribbled paper that could be extracted from her table-drawers, and his sister quarrelled with him mortally about the proceeds, which showed that she only wanted a pretext, for they cannot have been great.I don't know what Leolin lives upon, unless it be on a queer lady many years older than himself, whom he lately married.The last time I met him he said to me with his infuriating smile: "Don't you think we can go a little further still--just a little?" HE really goes too far.
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