第28章 THE VOYAGE(16)

She differed,as I have said,in every particular from her husband;but very remarkably in this,that,as it was impossible to displease him,so it was as impossible to please her;and as no art could remove a smile from his countenance,so could no art carry it into hers.If her bills were remonstrated against she was offended with the tacit censure of her fair-dealing;if they were not,she seemed to regard it as a tacit sarcasm on her folly,which might have set down larger prices with the same success.On this lather hint she did indeed improve,for she daily raised some of her articles.A pennyworth of fire was to-day rated at a shilling,to-morrow at eighteen-pence;and if she dressed us two dishes for two shillings on the Saturday,we paid half-a-crown for the cookery of one on the Sunday;and,whenever she was paid,she never left the room without lamenting the small amount of her bill,saying,"she knew not how it was that others got their money by gentle-folks,but for her part she had not the art of it."When she was asked why she complained,when she was paid all she demanded,she answered,"she could not deny that,nor did she know she had omitted anything;but that it was but a poor bill for gentle-folks to pay."I accounted for all this by her having heard,that it is a maxim with the principal inn-holders on the continent,to levy considerable sums on their guests,who travel with many horses and servants,though such guests should eat little or nothing in their houses;the method being,I believe,in such cases,to lay a capitation on the horses,and not on their masters.But she did not consider that in most of these inns a very great degree of hunger,without any degree of delicacy,may be satisfied;and that in all such inns there is some appearance,at least,of provision,as well as of a man-cook to dress it,one of the hostlers being always furnished with a cook's cap,waistcoat,and apron,ready to attend gentlemen and ladies on their summons;that the case therefore of such inns differed from hers,where there was nothing to eat or to drink,and in reality no house to inhabit,no chair to sit upon,nor any bed to lie in;that one third or fourth part therefore of the levy imposed at inns was,in truth,a higher tax than the whole was when laid on in the other,where,in order to raise a small sum,a man is obliged to submit to pay as many various ways for the same thing as he doth to the government for the light which enters through his own window into his own house,from his own estate;such are the articles of bread and beer,firing,eating and dressing dinner.

The foregoing is a very imperfect sketch of this extraordinary couple;for everything is here lowered instead of being heightened.Those who would see them set forth in more lively colors,and with the proper ornaments,may read the deions of the Furies in some of the classical poets,or of the Stoic philosophers in the works of Lucian.

Monday,July 20.--This day nothing remarkable passed;Mrs.

Francis levied a tax of fourteen shillings for the Sunday.We regaled ourselves at dinner with venison and good claret of our own;and in the afternoon,the women,attended by the captain,walked to see a delightful scene two miles distant,with the beauties of which they declared themselves most highly charmed at their return,as well as with the goodness of the lady of the mansion,who had slipped out of the way that my wife and their company might refresh themselves with the flowers and fruits with which her garden abounded.

Tuesday,July 21.--This day,having paid our taxes of yesterday,we were permitted to regale ourselves with more venison.Some of this we would willingly have exchanged for mutton;but no such flesh was to be had nearer than Portsmouth,from whence it would have cost more to convey a joint to us than the freight of a Portugal ham from Lisbon to London amounts to;for though the water-carriage be somewhat cheaper here than at Deal,yet can you find no waterman who will go on board his boat,unless by two or three hours'rowing he can get drunk for the residue of the week.

And here I have an opportunity,which possibly may not offer again,of publishing some observations on that political economy of this nation,which,as it concerns only the regulation of the mob,is below the notice of our great men;though on the due regulation of this order depend many emoluments,which the great men themselves,or at least many who tread close on their heels,may enjoy,as well as some dangers which may some time or other arise from introducing a pure state of anarchy among them.Iwill represent the case,as it appears to me,very fairly and impartially between the mob and their betters.The whole mischief which infects this part of our economy arises from the vague and uncertain use of a word called liberty,of which,as scarce any two men with whom I have ever conversed seem to have one and the same idea,I am inclined to doubt whether there be any simple universal notion represented by this word,or whether it conveys any clearer or more determinate idea than some of those old Punic compositions of syllables preserved in one of the comedies of Plautus,but at present,as I conceive,not supposed to be understood by any one.

By liberty,however,I apprehend,is commonly understood the power of doing what we please;not absolutely,for then it would be inconsistent with law,by whose control the liberty of the freest people,except only the Hottentots and wild Indians,must always be restrained.