第37章 BICKERSTAFF CENSOR:--CASES IN COURT.(3)

Besides,the giving into uncommon habits of this nature is a want of that humble deference which is due to mankind,and,what is worst of all,the certain indication of some secret flaw in the mind of the person that commits them.When I was a young man,I remember a gentleman of great integrity and worth,was very remarkable for wearing a broad belt,and a hanger instead of a fashionable sword,though in all other points a very well-bred man.I suspected him at first sight to have something wrong in him,but was not able for a long time to discover any collateral proofs of it.I watched him narrowly for six-and-thirty years,when at last,to the surprise of everybody but myself,who had long expected to see the folly break out,he married his own cook-maid.

Sheer Lane,December 21.

As soon as I had placed myself in my chair of judicature,I ordered my clerk,Mr.Lillie,to read to the assembly,who were gathered together according to notice,a certain declaration,by way of charge,to open the purpose of my session,which tended only to this explanation,that as other courts were often called to demand the execution of persons dead in law;so this was held to give the last orders relating to those who are dead in reason.The solicitor of the new Company of Upholders,near the Haymarket,appeared in behalf of that useful society,and brought in an accusation of a young woman,who herself stood at the bar before me.Mr.Lillie read her indictment,which was in substance,"That,whereas Mrs.Rebecca Pindust,of the parish of Saint Martin-in-the-Fields,had,by the use of one instrument called a looking-glass,and by the further use of certain attire,made either of cambric,muslin,or other linen wares,upon her head,attained to such an evil art and magical force in the motion of her eyes and turn of her countenance,that she the said Rebecca had put to death several young men of the said parish;and that the said young men had acknowledged in certain papers,commonly called love-letters,which were produced in court,gilded on the edges,and sealed WITH A PARTICULAR WAX,with certain amorous and enchanting words wrought upon the said seals,that they died for the said Rebecca:and,whereas the said Rebecca persisted in the said evil practice;this way of life the said society construed to be,according to former edicts,a state of death,and demanded an order for the interment of the said Rebecca."I looked upon the maid with great humanity,and desired her to make answer to what was said against her.She said,"It was indeed true,that she had practised all the arts and means she could,to dispose of herself happily in marriage,but thought she did not come under the censure expressed in my writings for the same;and humbly hoped I would not condemn her for the ignorance of her accusers,who,according to their own words,had rather represented her killing than dead."She further alleged,"That the expressions mentioned in the papers written to her were become mere words,and that she had been always ready to marry any of those who said they died for her;but that they made their escape,as soon as they found themselves pitied or believed."She ended her discourse by desiring I would for the future settle the meaning of the words "I die,"in letters of love.

Mrs.Pindust behaved herself with such an air of innocence,that she easily gained credit,and was acquitted.Upon which occasion I gave it as a standing rule,"That any person,who in any letter,billet,or discourse,should tell a woman he died for her,should,if she pleased,be obliged to live with her,or be immediately interred upon such their own confessions without bail or mainprize."It happened that the very next who was brought before me was one of her admirers,who was indicted upon that very head.A letter,which he acknowledged to be his own hand,was read,in which were the following words,"Cruel creature,I die for you."It was observable that he took snuff all the time his accusation was reading.I asked him,"how he came to use these words,if he were not a dead man?"He told me,"he was in love with the lady,and did not know any other way of telling her so;and that all his acquaintance took the same method."Though I was moved with compassion towards him,by reason of the weakness of his parts,yet for example sake I was forced to answer,"Your sentence shall be a warning to all the rest of your companions,not to tell lies for want of wit."Upon this,he began to beat his snuff-box with a very saucy air;and opening it again,"Faith,Isaac,"said he,"thou art a very unaccountable old fellow--Pr'ythee,who gave thee the power of life and death?What hast thou to do with ladies and lovers?I suppose thou wouldst have a man be in company with his mistress,and say nothing to her.Dost thou call breaking a jest telling a lie?Ha!is that thy wisdom,old stiffback,ha?"He was going on with this insipid commonplace mirth,sometimes opening his box,sometimes shutting it,then viewing the picture on the lid,and then the workmanship of the hinge,when,in the midst of his eloquence,I ordered his box to be taken from him;upon which he was immediately struck speechless,and carried off stone dead.