Text C How Long Does It Take to Say I'm Getting Married(I)

Pre-reading Exercise

Read the following passage and fill the blanks.

1. Waverly's lunch with her mother turned out___.

2. Waverly wanted to put her mother in a good mood because___.

3. Waverly's mother___the Chinese restaurant they went to.

4. When Waverly said“There's something I want to show you”, she intended to show her mother___.

5. Waverly's mother___Waverly's apartment and her mink jacket.

I had taken my mother out to lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant in the hope of putting her in a good mood, but it was a disaster.

When we met at the Four Directions Restaurant, she eyed me with immediate disapproval.“Ai-ya! What's the matter with your hair? ”she said in Chinese.

“What do you mean, ‘What's the matter, '”I said. “I had it cut. ”Mr. Rory had styled my hair differently this time, an asymmetrical bluntline fringe that was shorter on the left side. It was fashionable, yet not radically so.

“Looks chopped off, ”she said. “You must ask for your money back. ”

I sighed. “Let's just have a nice lunch together, okay? ”

She wore her tight-lipped, pinched-nose look as she scanned the menu, muttering, “Not too many good things, this menu. ”Then she tapped the waiter's arm, wiped the length of her chopsticks with her finger and sniffed: “This greasy thing, do you expect me to eat with it? ”She made a show of washing out her rice bowl with hot tea, and then warned other restaurant patrons seated near us to do the same. She told the waiter to make sure the soup was very hot, and, of course, it was by her tongue's expert estimate“not even lukewarm”.

“You shouldn't get so upset, ”I said to my mother after she disputed a charge of two extra dollars because she had specified chrysanthemum tea instead of the regular green tea. “Besides, unnecessary stress isn't good for your heart. ”

“Nothing is wrong with my heart, ”she huffed as she kept a disparaging eye on the waiter.

And she was right. Despite all the tension she places on herself— and others — the doctors have proclaimed that my mother, at age sixty-nine, has the blood pressure of a sixteen-year-old and the strength of a horse.

After our miserable lunch, I gave up the idea that there would ever be a good time to tell her the news: that Rich Schields and I were getting married.

My mother had never met Rich. In fact, every time I brought up his name—when I said, for instance, that Rich and I had gone to the symphony, that Rich had taken my four-year-old daughter, Shoshana, to the zoo — my mother found a way to change the subject.

“Did I tell you, ”I said as we waited for the lunch bill, “what a great time Shoshana had with Rich? He —”

“Oh, ”interrupted my mother, “I didn't tell you. Your father, doctors say maybe need surgery. But no, now they say everything normal. ”I gave up. And then we did the usual routine.

I paid for the bill, with a ten and three ones. My mother pulled back the dollar bills and counted out exact change, thirteen cents, and put that on the tray instead, explaining firmly: “No tip! ”She tossed her head back with a triumphant smile. And while my mother used the restroom, I slipped the waiter a five-dollar bill. He nodded to me with deep understanding. While she was gone, I devised another plan. When she returned, I said, “But before I drop you off, let's stop at my place real quick. There's something I want to show you. ”

My mother had not been to my apartment in months. When I was first married, she used to drop by unannounced, until one day I suggested she should call ahead of time. Ever since then, she had refused to come unless I issue an official invitation.

And so I watched her, seeing her reaction to the changes in my apartment — from the pristine habitat I maintained after the divorce, when all of a sudden I had too much time to keep my life in order to this present chaos, a home full of life and love. The hallway floor was littered with Shoshana's toys, all bright plastic things with scattered parts. There was a set of Rich's barbells in the living room, two dirty snifters on the coffee table, the disemboweled remains of a phone that Shoshana and Rich had taken apart the other day to see where the voices came from.

“It's back here, ”I said. We kept walking, all the way to the back bedroom. The bed was unmade, dresser drawers were hanging out with socks and ties spilling over. My mother stepped over running shoes, more of Shoshana's toys, Rich's black loafers, my scarves, a stack of white shirts just back from the cleaner's.

Her look was one of painful denial, reminding me of a time long ago when she took my brothers and me down to a clinic to get our polio booster shots. As the needle went into my brother's arm and he screamed, my mother looked at me with agony written all over her face and assured me, “Next one doesn't hurt. ”

But now, how could my mother not notice that we were living together, that this was serious and would not go away even if she didn't talk about it? She had to say something.

I went to the closet and then came back with a mink jacket that Rich had given me for Christmas. It was the most extravagant gift I had ever received.

I put the jacket on. “It's sort of a silly present, ”I said nervously. “It's hardly ever cold enough in San Francisco to wear mink. But it seems to be a fad, what people are buying their wives and girlfriends these days. ”

My mother was quiet. She was looking toward my open closet, bulging with racks of shoes, ties, my dresses, and Rich's suits. She ran her fingers over the mink.

“This is not so good, ”she said at last. “It is just leftover strips. And the fur is too short, no long hairs. ”

“How can you criticize a gift! ”I protested. I was deeply wounded. “He gave me this from his heart. ”

“This is why I worry, ”she said.

And looking at the coat in the mirror, I couldn't fend off the strength of her will anymore, her ability to make me see black where there was once white, white where there was once black. The coat looked shabby, an imitation of romance.

“Aren't you going to say anything else? ”I asked softly.

“What should I say? ”

“About the apartment? About this? ”I gestured to all the signs of Rich lying about.

She looked around the room, toward the hall, and finally she said, “You have career. You are busy. You want to live like mess, what can I say? ”

(Excerpted from Amy TanThe Joy Luck Club: Four Directions)

The following conversations are from the above story. Please identify the ingredients of communication based on the knowledge in Text A.

Conversation 1

Mother:Ai-ya! What's the matter with your hair?

Waverly: What do you mean, “What's the matter, ”I had it cut.

Mother: Looks chopped off. You must ask for your money back.

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Conversation 2

Waverly: Aren't you going to say anything else?

Mother: What should I say?

Waverly: About the apartment? About this? (gesturing to all the signs of Rich lying about)

Mother: You have career. You are busy. You want to live like mess, what can I say?

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For Fun

Works to Read

1) Tan, Amy. The Joy Luck Club. New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons,1989.

· This book is a best-selling novel. It focuses on four Chinese American immigrant families who start a club known as“the Joy Luck Club”. There are sixteen chapters divided into four sections, and each woman, both mothers and daughters, (with the exception of one mother, Suyuan Woo, who dies before the novel opens) share stories about their lives in the form of vignettes. Each section comes after a parable. This novel explores the clash between Chinese culture and American culture.

2) Mckay, Matthew, Davis, Martha and Patrick Fanning. Messages: The Communication Skills Book. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications,1995.

· This is anamazing self-help book that cuts through all big words and psychological concepts. It gets immediately into helping you change. The concise explanations of poor communication patterns will help you change your attitude and methods of communicating with other.

Movies to Watch

Driving Miss Daisy is based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning play by Alfred Uhry. It affectionately covers the twenty-five year relationship between a wealthy, strong-willed Southern matron(Jessica Tandy) and her equally indomitable black chauffeur Hoke (Morgan Freeman). Neither of them could understand each other at the beginning of the movie. However, the two fully realize that they have been friends.