Moving Forward

Three weeks elapsed before Blake’s exams were over and Debbie had a free afternoon. The meeting was scheduled for the same coffee shop. Again, they both arrived early.

“Good afternoon!” Debbie said. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Blake said. The truth was, he was still grieving over his father’s death.

“Getting used to losing a loved one takes time,” Debbie said gently. “Did you have time to think through the things we discussed at the end of our first meeting?”

“I did. Just as I feared, I don’t know the answers to all the questions.”

“That’s okay. I rarely know all the answers to my own questions,” Debbie said with a grin. “And that really doesn’t diminish the power of the question. Often the search for the answer is just as valuable as the answer itself. Let’s see what you’ve come up with so far.”

They began to discuss Blake’s strengths and passions. Blake was very talented, so this was a fascinating conversation.

“It’s easy to see Jeff’s influence on your life,” she said. “After just twenty minutes, we’ve identified the following about you: You’re comfortable meeting people. You enjoy working with children—you were a camp counselor during your high school years. You’re a good student—a high GPA and other test scores helped you get into a prestigious university. You majored in business administration with a minor in marketing. And you’re athletically inclined—you played several sports growing up and are still an avid skier.”

Blake responded, “What does it all mean?”

“I’m not a career counselor,” Debbie began, “but to me, it looks like you can do a lot of different things.”

“That’s what I was afraid of. What if I make a bad choice?”

“You will.”

“Excuse me?” This comment really got Blake’s attention.

“Sure. We all make mistakes, and we do our best to learn from them. That’s one of the things leaders do extremely well.”

That was the first time the “L” word had been used specifically in their conversation.

“Now that you mention leadership, Debbie, I think that’s what’s really got me spooked.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad and I talked about my career and my future just before he died. It was actually our last conversation.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said that I could be a leader.”

“And?” Debbie probed.

“I told him I didn’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“A lot of reasons, I guess. It seems like it would be hard to be a good leader. I’m only twenty-two years old; I don’t know how to lead. I’m not even sure what it really means to be a leader, and—” Blake paused.

“Blake, I think you have a narrow idea about leadership. But you’re not the only one. I ask people all the time if they are a leader, and hardly anyone says yes. I usually follow up that question up with ‘Tell me: who has had the greatest impact on your life?’ Hardly anyone ever mentions a manager or supervisor they had at work. Just like you, they talk about their father, their mother, their grandparent, a friend, or a teacher. You see, we all have the opportunity to lead in some area of our lives.”

“Even me? How I am I leader?” Blake asked.

“Anytime you influence the thinking, beliefs, or development of another person, you’re engaging in leadership.”

“So you mean I don’t have to have an impressive title to be a leader?”

“Exactly. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, I bet you’ve been influencing friends and classmates for a long time.”

“I get what you’re saying,” said Blake, “but Dad was such a great leader.” He swallowed hard. “He said he would teach me—and now he’s gone.” His eyes grew moist.

“I’m so sorry, Blake,” Debbie said softly. “Would you like for us to reschedule this meeting?”

“No, thanks, I just need a moment.”

“Let’s take a break and come back in fifteen minutes. I need another cup of tea anyway.”

“Thanks.”

Blake walked outside and stared at the sky. It was a beautiful day. The sky was as blue as he’d ever seen, and the clouds were whiter than any he could ever remember. As the breeze blew across his face, he wiped his eyes and felt a spirit of optimism. It was as if he knew in his heart that things really were going to be okay. In that moment, he wasn’t yet convinced that he could be a leader, but he was convinced he could try. He went back inside and found Debbie reviewing her notes.

She looked up. “Sure you’re okay with continuing this conversation today?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay. But the last few weeks have been really hard.”

“I know the feeling,” Debbie said. “My mom died when I was about your age.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Blake said in a tone of surprise.

Debbie nodded. “Although it was many years ago, it’s a part of my story that is still painful. But I’m stronger today. So, I do understand some of what you’re feeling. That’s one reason I’d love to help you if I can. I made some mistakes—in part because of my mother’s death. Perhaps I can help you avoid some of those same mistakes.”

“What kind of mistakes?” Blake asked eagerly.

“I’ll tell you about that later. Right now our first challenge is to help you find a job.”

“That would be great. What are you thinking?” Blake had his pen in hand.

“I have a few ideas for you to consider. I think the company you work for matters. Based on the world we live in, I’m not assuming you’ll be there your entire career, but a good start would be nice.”

“What would a good start look like to you?” Blake asked.

“I’m thinking about a company that shares your core values. In my experience, when a person’s core values are not aligned with a company’s values, it’s rarely a great situation—short term or long term.

“I’m also thinking about a company that has a reputation for investing in their people. These companies are harder to find today, but they’re still out there.

“Finally, I believe you want a company that could provide a long-term future—just in case you want to stay.”

“Wouldn’t that be true at any company? I mean, if I wanted to stay and make a career, wouldn’t that be an option anywhere I might work?”

“Not really. Some companies have a culture of high turnover. That’s probably not where you want to start your career.”

“You didn’t mention leadership development.” Blake added.

“You’re right. I didn’t for two reasons. First, I haven’t heard you say you want to be an organizational leader. I heard you say that your dad believed you could lead. There’s a big difference. If you don’t feel like you want to be a leader, you shouldn’t pursue a leadership position. You ought to be an individual contributor. That’s one of the lessons I referenced earlier. When I was your age, my parents wanted me to be a teacher. They were both teachers—and teaching is certainly a noble profession. But it was not me. However, after Mom died, I decided that to honor her, I should be a teacher. Unfortunately, there were some small children that suffered through my poor career choice. Thankfully, I came to my senses after just one year in the classroom.

“You’ve got to pursue your dream, not someone else’s dream for you. There are countless ways you can and will honor your dad. However, making a poor career choice is not one of them. If, in your heart, you can’t honestly say that you want to serve people, you shouldn’t pursue leadership.”

“Wait a minute. You’re going to have to go back to the idea of ‘serving people’ as a motivator for leadership.”

“That’s actually the most important thing your father taught me in the decade we worked together: ‘Great leaders SERVE.’ And it took him a long time to help me fully understand what that means and what it looks like on a daily basis, so I don’t expect it to make sense the first time you hear it. But make no mistake. If you don’t want to serve, you cannot be a great leader. Robert Greenleaf, the founder of the modern servant leadership movement, said it well: ‘You have to be a servant first and a leader second.’”

Blake was taking notes. “You said there were two reasons you didn’t mention leadership development. What’s the second one?”

“Having a company that invests in leadership development is really good, but that alone won’t determine your success. If you can find a company that meets all your criteria and invests in leadership development, that would be a bonus, but it is not essential for your success as a leader.”

“What is essential?”

“You’ve got to be willing to GROW.”

“Is that it?” Blake gave Debbie a look of disbelief.

“Yes, that’s it. However, there are some specific things you can do to accelerate and sustain your growth as a leader.”

“And what are those ‘specific things’?” Again, Blake’s pen was poised.

“We can explore that together in the months to come. For now, let’s focus on getting you a job.” She smiled.

They brainstormed a list of companies that might be good candidates for Blake. Debbie gave Blake a list of people she knew who might be able to help him. He left with the names of several companies and people he hadn’t previously contacted.

His action items were to make the contacts, try to get interviews, and be ready to share his progress at their next meeting.

“Thanks for the time!” Blake finally felt like he was making progress.