5

When the Student Is Ready

Find a Mentor

THE GREAT THING ABOUT developing yourself as a leader is that you don’t have to make the journey alone. There is an ancient Buddhist proverb that says: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” Loosely interpreted, this means that when you’re open and willing to listen, you will find the answers from someone who has been down the road before you. In the modern business world, this proverb is best defined as mentoring.

It’s easy to confuse mentoring with its popular first cousin, executive coaching. There are, however, some big differences between coaching and mentoring. Coaching facilitates the self-discovery process and involves working with someone who is skilled at asking questions to unlock your own insights. Mentors, however, provide more explicit advice and counsel and likely will be trusted members of your network, either inside or outside the organization. Essentially, a coach helps you find your own answers, whereas a mentor not only answers your questions but also offers specific recommendations. Both techniques are ideal for helping you develop as a leader (for a deeper dive into coaching, see Chapter 15). For now, let’s take a closer look at mentoring, including how to use this development technique and how to get the most out of the relationship.

The Mentor Is a Teacher

Mentors are like teachers in that they give advice and help you learn new knowledge and skills. They counsel you on decisions and have a definite view of any situation or scenario you bring them. If you ask a coach, “What should I do here?” they’re going to say: “What do you think you should do?” Ask a mentor that question, and you’re going to get a specific answer, maybe more than one! The mentor sees it as his or her job to actively help you sort through options and alternative responses.

How do you pick a mentor? Well, sometimes a mentor picks you, of course. If you’re lucky enough to have someone more experienced looking out for you and giving you advice, you’re in great shape. If a senior leader in the organization (especially one who commands a lot of respect) wants to spend time with you, by all means, accept the offer. On three occasions in my career, I was fortunate to have senior executives (who were not my immediate bosses) take an interest in my development and invite me to tap into their knowledge and expertise. Although we didn’t set up a formal schedule of meetings, I would call or visit them when crucial leadership decisions or career choices presented themselves. I just knew I’d be more confident about my plan of action if I was able to talk it over with my mentor ahead of time. I even spent a day shadowing one of my mentors to get a sense for his leadership presence and impact on others. I knew he spent a lot of time moving from meeting to meeting, and I wanted to see firsthand how he maintained his energy and enthusiasm. At the end of the day we debriefed and discussed his approach, and I learned some valuable lessons—not the least of which was his practice of quietly meditating for two to three minutes before walking into a meeting. In his office, he would close his eyes for a moment and clear his mind before moving to the next session; he told me it allowed him to let go of the previous meeting and focus on the next one. I never forgot that lesson; and although it’s something you can read about, it means more when you see a senior leader that you admire doing it!

So yes, it’s great if a mentor finds you. But a lot of times you need to be the one asking for assistance. The key is to seek out someone who has knowledge or experience in the specific area where you most need help. Figure out where you’re struggling or where you could use some guidance. Then ask someone who’s been there or has a unique perspective to spend some time with you. The easiest way to do this is to approach them head on with the question. Simply say: “I have a lot of respect for what you’ve accomplished here and would love to tap into your knowledge and experience. Would you be willing to spend time with me to give me some advice and share your expertise?” Most senior leaders are more than happy to help and will readily say yes.

Mentors come in all varieties: Sometimes it’s a former manager or colleague that you’ve stayed in touch with for years. Perhaps it’s an executive in your organization. Often times, it’s a peer—someone with whom you’ve always had a strong relationship. In most cases, you never formally enter into a “mentoring contract”; it’s just understood that you respect this person and will continue to seek their counsel. Other times, the organization will literally match you with a mentor. In either case, your mentor is someone who has the experience and maturity to help you make important decisions.

Regardless of your connection, there are three elements that need to exist for mentoring to be productive for both parties. First, you need to trust your mentor’s advice, otherwise, there’s no point in listening to it. You have to find a mentor who will tell you the truth and has your best interests at heart; when seeking a mentor, make it clear that you want their honest assessment at all times. Second, although the mentoring relationship doesn’t have to be formal, you should be clear about what you want when you ask for your mentor’s input. Are you just looking to brainstorm with someone, or are you really interested in this person’s suggestions? Don’t make your mentor guess what you want; make your requests clear. Finally, you don’t have to follow your mentor’s advice, but you do need to be gracious and say thank you. The mentor is in this because he or she likes you or wants to see you succeed. Don’t abuse the relationship; asking your mentor if there is anything you can do in return is a nice way to keep the mutual admiration society going.

Leverage Your Mentors

What’s the best way to use a mentor? There are several ways, and all of them have to do with your continuous development as a leader. First, sometimes you just need to ask someone: “How am I showing up as a leader?” (the key question from Chapter 1). Asking your trusted mentor for the straight scoop can be a safe way to get feedback on your leadership style and behaviors. Second, your mentor can give you specific advice if you’re struggling with a project or a relationship. They can help you prepare for difficult conversations, plan for a big presentation, or work through a complicated problem. If they work in your company, they can be particularly useful in helping you navigate the cultural and political landscape, especially higher up in the organization. Finally, mentors can be a great source of advice on career choices. If you’re contemplating a move or a new assignment, don’t make a final decision without checking in with your mentor.

Unlike a formal coach, whom you might use only once or twice in your entire career, a mentor is useful on an everyday basis. You should always have one or two mentors and should be tapping into them on a regular basis. If you find yourself asking: “I wonder what Bill or Mary would say about this” it’s probably time to ask for a bit of advice. Even if you’re pretty sure what to do, give your mentor a call—chances are, you’ll be glad you did.

Bootstrap Takeaways

Find a Mentor

1. Ask your mentor for feedback on how you’re showing up as a leader.

2. Tap into your mentor’s experience for insights about dealing with people or navigating the politics in your organization.

3. Don’t make an important career decision without checking in with your mentors.