Letter to Live For: To a Departed Loved One

If we’re serious about making friends with death, we might do well to consider our connections to people we know who have passed on and what their lives have taught us about something to live for. Naturally, our own religious or spiritual beliefs will inform our understanding, but we can interrogate these views on a personal level through writing and reflection. In keeping with the project of writing “letters to live for,” you might try crafting a missive to a family member or friend who has died. Doing so can have the effect of helping you to think about how death and dying informs our day-to-day living. It worked that way for Dave, anyway, when he wrote the following letter to his dad.

Dear Dad,

It’s now been almost ten years since you passed away and not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. At the same time, not a day goes by that I don’t experience a part of you, in me, in the way I look at the world, relate to family and friends, and simply think and feel about nearly everything. Your influence on my life is deep and abiding and I thank my lucky stars that I had the great good fortune not to just know you, but to share probably the deepest connection—parent to child—that any two souls can share.

I delight in seeing your influence and temperament in my daughter, Mimi, and just wish with all my heart that the two of you had had more time to spend together. Still, somehow, perhaps channeled through me, perhaps by some inexplicable magic, you are reflected in how she is, in her cleverness, humor, and sometimes cantankerous manner.

I am proud beyond measure to be your son and hope that I am living in a way that is consistent with your compassion, integrity, and wisdom. I still feel I have a long way to go to be the man that you were, but I’m also confident that I had the best teacher and role model possible to show me the way.

You know, Dad, that I am extremely skeptical when it comes to assumptions about the afterlife and so on; so I’m not at all sure you’re “out there” to receive this. However, I am certain that you are here, on Earth, in the world, through the great joy you spread to those who knew you when you were alive. I don’t have any expectation of seeing you when I pass away myself; however, not only do I expect to see you every day that I’m here, I most certainly do.

Love always,

David

We encourage you to try this exercise yourself. Write a letter to a loved one who has passed on. See if you can find the words to say to that person what you’ve always wanted to say to them (even if you did when he or she was alive). You may find yourself connecting more deeply with parts of yourself that are sometimes hidden. We encourage you to put your whole self into the letter and feel what happens when you write authentically and wholeheartedly.