第2章 彼岸难得，知足常乐
Almost any situation—good or bad—is affected by the attitude we bring to.
差不多任何一种处境——无论是好是坏——都受到我们对待处境的态度的影响。
The Trees Outside My Window 窗外的风景
Bonnie
From the window of my room, I could see a tall cotton-rose hibiscus. In spring, when green foliage was half hidden by mist, the tree looked very enchanting dotted with red blossom. This inspiring neighbor of mine often set my mind working. I gradually regarded it as my best friend.
Nevertheless, when I opened the window one morning, to my amazement, the tree was almost bare beyond recognition as a result of the storm ravages the night before. Struck by the plight, I was seized with a sadness at the thought “all the blossom is doomed to fall”. I could not help sighing with emotion: the course of life never runs smooth, for there are so many ups and downs, twists and turns. The vicissitudes of my life saw my beloved friends parting one after another. Isn't it similar to the tree shedding its flowers in the wind?
This event faded from my memory as time went by. One day after I came home from the countryside, I found the room stuffy and casually opened the window. Something outside caught my eye and dazzled me. It was a plum tree all scarlet with blossom set off beautifully by the sunset. The surprise discovery overwhelmed me with pleasure. I wondered why I had no idea of some unyielding life sprouting over the fallen petals when I was grieving for the hibiscus.
When the last withered petal dropped, all the joyful admiration for the hibiscus sank into oblivion as if nothing was left, until the landscape was again ablaze with the red plum blossom to remind people of life's alternation and continuance. Can't it be said that life is actually a symphony, a harmonious composition of loss and gain.
Standing by the window lost in thought for a long time, I realized that no scenery in the world remains unchanged. As long as you keep your heart basking in the sun, every dawn will present a fine prospect for you to unfold and the world will always be about new hopes.
从我房间的窗户往外看，可以看到一株高大的芙蓉。春天时，绿树在薄雾中若隐若现，点缀着朵朵红花，样子十分迷人。这位邻居总是开启我的灵感，让我思如泉涌。渐渐地，我就把它当成我最好的朋友了。
然而，一天早晨，当我推开窗户时，却惊诧地发现，这株芙蓉已经被前夜的风暴摧残得面目全非，变得叶落枝残。震惊之余，一种“繁花落尽”的悲凉之感在我的心头油然而生。我不禁感慨道：人生从来都不是一帆风顺的，生命中总会有那么多的跌宕起伏、坎坷挫折。我挚爱的朋友一个个离我而去，一切都见证着生命的变化无常。这不正像这随风逝去的花吗？
随着时间的推移，这件事渐渐淡出了我的记忆。一天，当我从郊外回到家后，感觉房间很闷，便推开了窗。就在这一瞬间，窗外一片繁荣的景象让我惊呆了。梅树开满了一簇簇火红的花朵，与落日暮霭相映成趣，格外美丽。这意外的发现让我欣喜不已。我从没想过，当我正因花落叶残而悲伤之时，它竟然还藏着如此顽强的生命。
当芙蓉的最后一片花瓣枯萎凋零时，人们对它的欣喜和赞美也随之飘散，消逝得无影无踪。而现在，梅树却成长起来，那火红的花儿向人们昭示着生命的更迭与延续。谁能否认生命就是一部得失共存的和谐交响曲呢？
我站在窗前沉思良久，突然意识到，世界上没有一成不变的风景。只要你的心中充满阳光，那么每个黎明都会为你展现出一片由你开启的美好前景，整个世界都将充满新的希望。
【名人语库】
As fruit needs not only sunshine but cold nights and chilling showers to ripen it, so character needs not only joy but trial and difficulty to mellow it.
【Hugh Black】
正如水果不仅需要阳光，也需要凉夜一样，寒冷的雨水能使其成熟。人的性格陶冶不仅需要欢乐，也需要考验和困难。
【休·布莱克（美国作家）】
Gratitude to Be Grateful 彼岸无尽头，知足才长乐
Allen Iverson
Many people believe that they will be happy once they arrive at some specific goal they set for themselves. However, more often than not, once you arrive “there”you will still feel dissatisfied, and move your “there”vision to yet another point in the future. By always chasing after another “there”, you are never really appreciating what you already have right “here”. It is important for human beings to keep sober-minded about the age-old drive to look beyond the place where you now stand. On one hand, your life is enhanced by your dreams and aspirations. On the other hand, these drives can pull you farther and farther from your enjoyment of your life right now. By learning the lessons of gratitude and abundance, you can bring yourself closer to fulfilling the challenge of living in the present.
Gratitude
To be grateful means you are thankful for and appreciative of what you have and where you are on your path right now. Gratitude fills your heart with the joyful feeling and allows you to fully appreciate everything that arises on your path. As you strive to keep your focus on the present moment, you can experience the full wonder of “here”.
There are many ways to cultivate gratitude. Here are just a few suggestions you may wish to try:
1. Imagine what your life would be like if you lost all that you had. This will most surely remind you of how much you do appreciate it.
2. Make a list each day of all that you are grateful for, so that you can stay conscious daily of your blessings. Do this especially when you are feeling as though you have nothing to feel grateful for. Or spend a few minutes before you go to sleep giving thanks for all that you have.
3. Spend time offering assistance to those who are less fortunate than you, so that you may gain perspective.
However you choose to learn gratitude is irrelevant. What really matters is that you create a space in your consciousness for appreciation for all that you have right now, so that you may live more joyously in your present moment.
Abundance
One of the most common human fears is scarcity. Many people are afraid of not having enough of what they need or want, and so they are always striving to get to a point when they would finally have enough.
Alan and Linda always dreamed of living “the good life”. Both from poor working-class families, they married young and set out to fulfill their mutual goal of becoming wealthy. They both worked very hard for years, amassing a small fortune, so they could move from their two-bedroom home to a palatial seven-bedroom home in the most upscale neighborhood. They focused their energies on accumulating all the things they believed signified abundance: membership in the local exclusive country club, luxury cars, designer clothing, and high-class society friends. No matter how much they accumulated, however, it never seemed to be enough. They were unable to erase the deep fear of scarcity both had acquired in childhood.
Indeed, they needed to learn the lesson of abundance. Then the stock market crashed in 1987, and Alan and Linda lost a considerable amount of money. A bizarre but costly lawsuit depleted another huge portion of their savings. One thing led to another, and they found themselves in a financial disaster. Assets needed to be sold, and eventually they lost the country club membership, the cars, and the house. It took several years and much hard work for Alan and Linda to land on their feet, and though they now live a life far from extravagant, they have taken stock of their lives and feel quite blessed. Only now, as they assess what they have left—a solid, loving marriage, their health, a dependable income, and good friends—do they realize that true abundance comes not from amassing, but rather from appreciating.
Scarcity consciousness arises as a result of the “hole-in-the-soul syndrome”. This is when we attempt to fill the gaps in our inner lives with things from the outside world. But like puzzle pieces, you can't fit something in where it does not naturally belong. No amount of external objects, affection, love, or attention can ever fill an inner void. We already have enough, so we should revel in our own interior abundance.
许多人都相信，一旦他们达到了自己所设定的某个特定目标，他们就会快乐。然而，更多的事实往往是，当你到达“彼岸”时，你仍然会感到不满足，并且将你的“彼岸”指向未来的另一个景象。始终追求一个又一个的“彼岸”，你永远都无法欣赏到你已经到达的“此处”。对于人们来说，不安现状的欲望存在已久，但更重要的是应保持头脑清醒。一方面，你的生活因为梦想和渴望而更加精彩。另一方面，这些欲望又使你越来越不懂得珍惜和享受现在所拥有的生活。通过学习感恩和知足这一课，你会离战胜当下生活中的挑战更进一步。
感恩
感恩是指你感谢、珍惜你所拥有的一切，以及你目前所处的人生境遇。心中充满感激之情，你的心灵就会充满愉悦，你就能充分领悟到人生道路上的一切经历。如果你把眼光聚焦在此时此刻，你就能感受到在“此处”的美妙之处。
有许多方法可以培养感恩之心，以下这些建议不妨试试看：
1．想象如果你失去了你所拥有的一切，你的生活将会怎么样。这一定会让你想起，原来你有多么感激现在的一切。
2．每天列出所有值得你心存感激的事，这样每天你都能意识到自己的幸运。坚持这样做，尤其是当你感觉似乎没什么可感激的时候。或者，在睡觉前花几分钟时间，感谢你所拥有的一切。
3．花些时间，去帮助那些没你这么幸运的人，这样你或许会对生活有新的认识。
事实上，你选择怎样的方法去学习感恩，这无关紧要。真正重要的是，你应该有意识地去感激你所拥有的一切，这样你就能更快乐地享受当下。
知足常乐
人类最普遍的恐惧之一就是贫穷。许多人担心他们的所需所求不够，所以他们总是努力使自己最终能拥有一切。
艾伦和琳达总是梦想着能过上“好日子”。他们都来自于贫困的工薪阶层家庭，年纪轻轻就早早结了婚，然后开始为他们共同的致富目标而努力。他们拼命工作了很多年，积累了一些资金，然后就从两居室搬到了一所高档社区的富丽堂皇的七居室大房子。此后，他们把精力都放在那些他们以为是代表富足的事情上：当地惟一的一家乡村俱乐部的会员资格，豪华轿车，名牌服装，上流社会的朋友。但是，无论他们积累了多少财富，似乎都是不足够的。他们无法抹去童年时代因贫穷而产生的深刻恐惧感。
事实上，他们就需要学会知足常乐这一课。1987年股市暴跌，艾伦和琳达损失了一大笔钱。一场莫名其妙的昂贵的官司又耗尽了他们另一大笔积蓄。这一件接一件的祸事，导致他们陷入了经济危机之中。他们不得不变卖资产，最终失去了乡村俱乐部的会员资格、汽车和房子。他们花了好几年的时间，才努力从困境中走出来，尽管他们现在已经远离奢侈，但他们主宰着自己的生活，感到幸运又知足。只有此刻，他们才掂量着尚未远离的一切——坚固相爱的婚姻、健康的身体、稳定的收入、真正的朋友等——他们终于意识到，真正的富足并非来自于财富的积累，而是来自于感激和珍惜。
贫穷感产生于“精神空虚综合症”，也就是我们试图用外界之物来填补内心的空虚。但是，就像拼图游戏一样，你不能把它硬放在原本不属于它的位置上。任何身外之物、感情、爱或关注，都无法填补内心的空虚。我们拥有的已经足够，因此，我们应满足于内心世界的丰富与充实。
【名人语库】
Have no fear of perfection—you'll never reach it.
【Salvador Dali】
不要为十全十美担心——你永远做不到十全十美。
【萨尔瓦多·达利（西班牙画家）】
Listen to Your Inner Voice 倾听你内心的声音
William Howard
Is there inside you? Very much, ever since you were brought into this world. When you couldn't open your mouth till the first two years on planet earth, inner voice is the one through which you interpreted and understood things.
Inner voice is the voice mouth of the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is always acting as a secondary reflector of thoughts and ideas in the body. It justifies and rationalizes what is right and what is wrong. When we go against what the inner voice say we get a guilty conscious and are bothered by it throughout our lives.
At times when we are feeling low or those unforgettable moments when we are let down, we seem to need some kind of emotional or mental support. We usually speak to our closest pal or our dearest family member during times of distress to ease the burden. At such times we get over the initial drizzle of emotional anxiety and mental restlessness, because of the pepping up by our empathic listener. We suddenly feel rejuvenated because our inner voice alerts us to get on with things and leave the things of past on the memory books of our brain.
The inner voice is always right most of the times because it knows us better than others and probably even ourselves. It is the dare devil child of the intuitions which we have been having since childhood. It's good to go by intuitions most of the times because it's the response provided due to the synchronism between our mental and physical being.
Whenever you are trying your first cigarette, or whenever you are asked to take sides in an argument, you are always in a sense of dilemma. During these times your inner voice automatically gives its verdict, which when over written, might leave us unhappy in the future. It's up to us to either ignore the morale booster inside us or go out to the world and search for spiritual guru's and happiness, when all these things are very much present within us.
你的内心深处有呼之欲出的声音吗？是的，自从你来到这个世界上，你的心灵就在不断地诉说。来到世上的最初两年时，你还不能开口说话，而心灵的声音就是你理解这个世界的通道。
内心的声音是潜意识诉说的嘴。潜意识一直是思想和观点的二次映射。它证明且控制着事物的对与错。当我们违背了内心的声音，我们会有一种负罪感，而且在余生中总会因它所困扰。
当我们情绪低落或灰心丧气时，我们似乎就需要某种情绪或精神上的支持。通常在痛苦的时候，我们会向最好的朋友或家人诉说，以此减轻压力。在这样的时刻，我们克服了不安和焦虑的情绪，因为有了为我们打气的听众。我们迅速恢复了活力，因为我们内心的声音在提醒我们，继续走下去，将过去的那些烦恼都留在回忆里吧。
大多时候，内心的声音总是对的，因为它比任何人都要了解我们，甚至超过我们自己。它是我们从小就一直伴随我们直觉的冒失小鬼。遵从直觉是有好处的，因为它大多是来自于我们的精神和现实之间同步的反应。
当你尝试去抽第一支烟的时候，或者当你被要求在某个争论里站在某一方的时候，你总是会感觉到困扰。在这些时刻，你内心的声音会自动给出裁决，甚至夸大来说，会给我们的将来留下不快。当这些事摆在眼前的时候，我们该决定是忽略内心的冲动，还是走向世界，去寻找精神领袖和幸福。
【名人语库】
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
【Abraham Lincoln】
对于大多数人来说，他们认定自己有多幸福，就有多幸福。
【亚伯拉罕·林肯（美国总统）】
The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People 乐观人群的10个好习惯
Judy Belmont
Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don't understand?
If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!
The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This article will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.
1. Positive people don't confuse quitting with letting go
Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgment to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to the phinciples which goes:
I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life;
To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones;
And to have the wisdom to know the difference!
2. Positive people don't just have a good day—they make a good day
Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.
3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past
Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong—in the past where they happened. They don't spend much time pining for the good old days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.
4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person
The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.
5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities
Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can't do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.
6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!
Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.
7. Positive people smile a lot!
When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!
8. People who are positive are great communicators
They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else's blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.
9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness
One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.
10. Positive person are empowered people—they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life
Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.
How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it—if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?
你是否在等待发生什么可以改变命运的大事件，借此过上自己想要的生活，这样你才能更积极地对待生活？你是否发现自己的幸福感是有条件的，认为必须发生某些事才能让你更快乐？你是否认为自己的生活压力过大，除了“紧张”以外别无他法，而其他人都无法理解？
如果你对以上任何一个问题回答了“是”，你可能已经在消极情绪中沉溺太久！
以下是一些无论遇到何事都能保持乐观的小窍门。这篇文章将帮助你避免不当地寻找心理学家所说的“积极性”。来看看乐观人群必有的10个好习惯。
1．乐观人群懂得放手与顺其自然的区别
乐观人群不会纠结于那些会给他们带来负面影响的思想、信仰，甚至是人，他们相信自己的判断，会让生活中的负面压力顺其自然。尤其是在人际关系方面，他们认可这样的原则：
对于给我的生活带来积极影响的人，我会尽我所能去信任他们；
对于给我带来消极影响的人，我会保持距离，或者任由他们而去；
而且，我有分辨这两种人之间不同的智慧！
2．乐观人群不仅会享受美好的一天——还会创造美好的一天
乐观人群的字典里很少会有“等待”、“希望”、“企盼”这样的词汇。反之，他们总是用那些强而有力、积极主动的字眼，而不会用那些被动的字眼。被动性会导致人缺乏参与精神，而乐观人群会积极参与到自己的人生规划中。在艰难时期，他们会用行动来改善自己的感受，而不是仅仅盼着坏情绪消失。
3．对于乐观人群来说，过去只停留在过去
好的和坏的回忆都应该留在原地——也就是事情发生的过去。乐观人群不会花很多时间来怀念美好的旧时光，因为他们正忙着创造新的回忆。过去那些负面回忆不是用来让你自责不已的，也不是让你毫无意义地后悔，而是让你在后悔中吸取经验教训，然后让其成为走向更美好未来的垫脚石。
4．乐观人群都是懂得感恩的人
最乐观的人往往也是最懂得感恩的人。他们不会揪着生活中的坎坷不放，而会用全新的感官和体验，去关注生活中每天都在等待着他们的宝藏。在他们眼中，生活就是一个充满了传奇的宝库。
5．乐观人群不会为自己的局限所困，而会被自己的潜能所激励
乐观人群会关注自己所能做的，而不是他们所不能做的。他们不会愚钝地相信每个问题都会有完美的解决办法，他们只是确信每个问题都有许多解决办法和可能性。他们绝不会原地祈祷事情出现转机，而会毫无畏惧地尝试用新办法解决老问题。
6．乐观人群不会让恐惧妨碍他们的生活！
乐观人群明白，那些被恐惧所束缚和牵绊的人永远无法真正活出自己的人生。他们也会保持适当的谨慎，但不会让恐惧阻止他们对新事物的尝试。他们深知，失败也是通往成功的必经之路。他们坚信，哪怕被生活中的挫折或自己犯下的错误所打倒，他们也可以重新站起来，因为他们对于自己的复原能力有着强烈的信念。
7．乐观人群常常微笑！
如果你感到积极乐观，你也会发自内心地微笑，而且这种微笑是具有传染性的。此外，和乐观人群相处越久的人，也就越容易微笑！乐观人群能够发现生活的闪光点，而且富有幽默感，即便是拿自己开玩笑也毫不介意。他们有很强的自尊，但不会把自己太当回事儿！
8．乐观人群十分善于交流
乐观人群明白，积极自信的交流是日常生活中与他人沟通的唯一方式。他们会避免批判性的、愤怒的交谈，也不会因为他人出言不逊就以牙还牙。相反，他们在自我表达时善于运用机智和策略。他们还充满自信，绝不会任人摆布，也不会亦步亦趋地跟着别人犯错误。
9．乐观人群明白，你活得越长，痛苦和悲伤也会越多
对乐观人群一个最常见的误解就是，他们每时每刻都是快乐的。这简直是大错特错。任何一个头脑正常的人都不可能永远快乐。悲伤、愤怒和失望也是生命中非常重要的情绪。如果你只拥有否定和肤浅的情绪，如何能做到对他人感同身受呢？乐观人群在面对各种情绪时不会逃避，他们认为情绪上的治愈过程会让他们体验多种情感，而不仅仅是快乐这一种。一个乐观的人总是相信，黑暗的尽头必有光明。
10．乐观人群善于掌控自己的人生——他们不会责怪他人，也不会做生活的受害者
乐观人群会向有能力且可靠的人寻求帮助和支持。他们很明确自己的基本人权，而且非常维护自己的尊严，因此不会扮演受害者的角色。乐观人群拥有积极的心态，绝不会心存怨恨。宽容有助于乐观人群抛弃愁苦，让他们的生活变得更美好。
那么，你呢？你在自己身上找到了多少积极人群的习惯呢？如果你仅仅是缺乏这10种习惯中的几条，你可能就会发现，你所期待的彩虹尽头的宝藏也不像传说中的那样。它怎么可能如你所期——如果你还继续保持一种消极的态度？
【名人语库】
Optimist: A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
【W. Winchell】
乐观主义者：被狮子逼上了树但仍能欣赏风景的人。
【华尔特·温切尔（美国评论家、演员）】
The Gift of Possibility 送给自己的圣诞礼物
Esmeralda Santiago
That Christmas Eve, the streets of Boston were clogged with tourists and locals bundled in wool and flannel. Shoppers, hawkers, and gawkers whirled and swirled around me. “Frosty the Snowman”, “Let It Snow”and “Jingle Bells” played in stores; on the sidewalks, the street musicians did their best. Everyone, it seemed, was accompanied by someone else smiling or laughing. I was alone.
The eldest of a Puerto Rican family of 11 children growing up in New York's crowded tenements, I'd spent much of my life seeking solitude. Now, finally, at 27, a college student in the midst of a drawn-out breakup of a seven-year relationship, I contemplated what I'd so craved, but I wasn't quite sure I liked it. Every part of me wanted to be alone, but not at Christmas.
My family had returned to Puerto Rico, my friends had gone home during the holiday break, and my acquaintances were involved in their own lives. Dusk was falling, and the inevitable return to my empty apartment brought tears to my eyes. Blinking lights from windows and around doors beckoned, and I wished someone would emerge from one of those homes to ask me inside to a warm room with a Christmas tree decorated with tinsel, its velvet skirt sprinkled with shiny fake snow and wrapped presents.
I stopped at the local market, feeling even more depressed as people filled their baskets with goodies. Dates and dried figs, walnuts, pecans, and hazelnuts in their shells reminded me of the gifts we received as children in Puerto Rico on Christmas Day, because the big gifts were given on the morning of the Feast of the Epiphany, on January 6. I missed my family: their rambunctious parties; the dancing; the mounds of rice with pigeon peas; the crusty, garlicky skin on the pork roast; the plantain and yucca pasteles wrapped in banana leaves. I wanted to cry for wanting to be alone and for having achieved it.
In front of the church down the street, a manger had been set up, with Mary, Joseph, and the barn animals in expectation of midnight and the arrival of baby Jesus. I stood with my neighbors watching the scene, some of them crossing themselves, praying. As I walked home, I realized that the story of Joseph and Mary wandering from door to door seeking shelter was much like my own history. Leaving Puerto Rico was still a wound in my soul as I struggled with who I had become in 15 years in the United States. I'd mourned the losses, but for the first time, I recognized what I'd gained. I was independent, educated, healthy, and adventurous. My life was still before me, full of possibility.
Sometimes the best gift is the one you give yourself. That Christmas, I gave myself credit for what I'd accomplished so far and permission to go forward, unafraid. It is the best gift I've ever received, the one that I most treasure.
那年圣诞前夕，波士顿的街道上满是熙熙攘攘的游客，当地人裹着羊毛和法兰绒打扮得光鲜靓丽。购物者、小贩和路人把我围在中间。商店里播放着《结霜的雪人》《下雪吧》和《铃儿响叮当》；人行道上，街头音乐家卖力地表演着。看起来似乎每个人都有人陪伴，脸上绽放出幸福的笑容。只有我是独自一人。
我家是一个波多黎各大家庭，一共有11个孩子，我是家里的长子，我们从小生活在纽约城拥挤的租住房里。在一生的大部分时间，我都在寻求片刻的孤独。此时此刻，终于，我这个27岁的大学生，结束了一段7年的漫长恋情，得到了我想要的孤独，可我却并不觉得开心。我想一个人静一静，但不是在圣诞节这样的日子。
我的家人已经回到了波多黎各，我的朋友都在假期回家了，我认识的人都忙于自己的生活。夜幕降临，想着还得回到那空荡荡的宿舍，眼泪就涌了出来。城市住家的灯火点亮起来，从门窗透出的闪烁灯光仿佛在召唤着我，我多希望有人会打开房门，邀请我走进那温暖的房间，房间一角是一株圣诞树，圣诞彩条将它装饰得绚烂华丽，天鹅绒的树摆上点缀着闪亮的人造雪花和包装好的礼物。
我在集市边停下脚步，看到人们提着装满美食的篮子，心中感到更加沮丧。椰枣、无花果干、核桃和山核桃，还有带壳的榛子，让我想起小时候在波多黎各收到的圣诞礼物——1月6日主显节上午，我们才能收到圣诞大礼。我想念我的家人：想念他们喧闹的派对，想念他们多姿的舞蹈，想念香喷喷的木豆米饭，想念烤乳猪的蒜味脆皮，想念芭蕉叶包裹的大蕉丝兰根。我得到了我想要的孤独，却忍不住想哭。
在街道尽头的教堂前，布置好了一条马槽，玛丽、约瑟夫和马厩里的动物们都在期待着午夜到来，耶稣降临。我和邻居站在那里看着这幅场景，有些人手画十字、低头祈祷。在回家路上，我意识到，约瑟夫和玛丽挨家挨户寻求庇护的故事，就如同我自己的经历。离开波多黎各始终是我心头难以化解的伤痛，我一直在想，15年的美国生活让我变成了一个什么样的人。我本应为我所失去的感到悲伤，但那一刻，我第一次认识到我获得了什么。我是一个独立的、受过良好教育的、健康的、富有冒险精神的青年。我的生活就在我的面前，充满了无尽的可能性。
有时候，你送给自己的礼物才是最好的礼物。那年圣诞节，我送给自己的是肯定和许诺，肯定自己过去的努力，许诺自己奋勇向前，无所畏惧。这是我收到的最好的礼物，我最珍惜的圣诞礼物。
【名人语库】
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
【Kierkergaard】
只有向后才能理解生活；但要生活好，则必须向前看。
【克尔凯郭尔（丹麦哲学家）】
Think About This 15句最暖心的话
Anonymous
1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good always comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them;you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great before it's too late.
1．在这个世界上至少有2个人很爱你，他们愿意为你而死。
2．在这个世界上至少有15个人以某种方式爱着你。
3．有人会恨你的唯一原因就是因为他们想变得和你一样。
4．你的微笑可以给每一个人带来快乐，即使他们不喜欢你。
5．每个夜晚，都有人会在入睡前想着你。
6．对某个人来说，你就是全世界。
7．如果不是因为你，某个人可能活不下去。
8．你是独一无二的。
9．有人爱着你，而你甚至都不知道他的存在。
10．当你犯了天大的错误时，总有一些好事及时到来。
11．如果你认为全世界都背弃了你，好好看看：最有可能的是你背弃了全世界。
12．当你认为你没机会得到你想要的东西时，你可能得不到它，但如果你相信自己，也许迟早你都会得到它。
13．永远记住你所收获的赞美。忘掉那些粗鲁的言语。
14．要告诉别人你对他们的感觉；当他们了解以后，你会感觉更棒。
15．如果你有很棒的朋友，花点时间让他们知道他们有多棒——趁一切还来得及。
【名人语库】
Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.
【Ralph Waldo Emerson】
幸福犹如香水，在你将它洒向别人的时候，自己也会沾染点滴。
【拉尔夫·沃尔多·爱默生（美国思想家、诗人）】
Everybody Has a Dream 每个人都有梦想
Virginia Satir
Some years ago I took on an assignment in a southern county to work with people on public welfare. What I wanted to do was show that everybody has the capacity to be self-sufficient and all we have to do is to activate them. I asked the county to pick a group of people who were on public welfare, people from different racial groups and different family constellations. I would then see them as a group for three hours every Friday. I also asked for a little petty cash to work with, as I needed it.
The first thing I said after I shook hands with everybody was, “I would like to know what your dreams are.” Everyone looked at me as if I were kind of wacky.
“Dreams? We don't have dreams.”
I said, “Well, when you were a kid what happened? Wasn't there something you wanted to do?”
One woman said to me, “I don't know what you can do with dreams. The rats are eating up my kids.”
“Oh,” I said. “That's terrible. No, of course, you are very much involved with the rats and your kids. How can that be helped?”
“Well, I could use a new screen door because there are holes in my screen door.”
I asked, “Is there anybody around here who knows how to fix a screen door?”
There was a man in the group, and he said, “A long time ago I used to do things like that but now I have a terribly bad back, but I'll try.”
I told him I had some money if he would go to the store and buy some screening and go and fix the lady's screen door.
“Do you think you can do that?”
“Yes, I'll try.”
The next week, when the group was seated, I said to the woman, “Well, is your screen door fixed?”
“Oh, yes,” she said.
“Then we can start dreaming, can't we?” She sort of smiled at me.
I said to the man who did the work, “How do you feel?”
He said, “Well, you know, it's a very funny thing. I'm beginning to feel a lot better.”
That helped the group to begin to dream. These seemingly small successes allowed the group to see that dreams were not insane. These small steps began to get people to see and feel that something really could happen.
I began to ask other people about their dreams. One woman shared that she always wanted to be a secretary. I said, “Well, what stands in your way?”(That's always my next question.)
She said, “I have six kids, and I don't have anyone to take care of them while I'm away.”
“Let's find out,” I said.
“Is there anybody in this group who would take care of six kids for a day or two a week while this woman gets some training here at the community college?”
One woman said, “I got kids, too, but I could do that.”
“Let's do it,” I said. So a plan was created and the woman went to school.
Everyone found something. The man who put in the screen door became a handyman. The woman who took in the children became a licensed foster care person. In 12 weeks I had all these people off public welfare. I've not only done that once, I've done in many times.
几年前，我被派遣到南部的一个镇上去指导依靠公共福利生活的人。我想做的就是告诉每个人，他们都有自给自足的能力，我们要做的就是激励他们。我让镇里挑选一批靠公共福利生活的人，他们应来自不同的种族和不同的家庭出身。然后，我会在每星期五与这些人待上三个小时。我还申请了一小笔工作资金，以备不时之需。
在同每个人一一握手之后，我说的第一句话就是：“我想知道你们的梦想都是什么。”每个人都用异样的眼光看着我，好像我是一个怪人。
“梦想？我们没有梦想。”
我说：“好吧，当你们还是个孩子的时候呢？你们没有什么想做的事吗？”
一位女士对我说：“我不知道有了梦想又能做什么。老鼠就要吃掉我的孩子了。”
“哦，”我说，“那可真糟糕。你老是想着老鼠和你的孩子，那梦想当然没什么用。怎样才能帮到你呢？”
“嗯……我也许需要一扇新的纱门，我的纱门洞太多了。”
我问：“这里有没有谁知道怎么安装纱门？”
这时，人群里有个男人说道：“很久以前，我常做那样的工作，但现在我的背痛得厉害，不过我会试试。”
我告诉他我有些钱，问他能否去商店买些网眼纱，然后去帮那位女士安装纱门。
“你认为你能做到这些吗？”
“是的，我试试。”
一周以后，当小组成员都坐好后，我对那位女士说：“好吧，你的纱门安装好了吗？”
“哦，是的。”她说。
“那么我们可以开始梦想了，不是吗？”她对我笑了笑。
我对那个安装纱门的男人说：“你感觉如何？”
他说：“噢，你知道，这是件很有趣的事。我现在感觉好多了。”
这件事使得整组人开始梦想起来。这些看似微不足道的成功让他们领会到，梦想并不愚蠢。这些小小的步骤开始让人们看见并感受到，有些事情真的会发生。
我开始询问其他人的梦想。一位女士分享道，她一直想做一个秘书。我说：“嗯，那么是什么阻碍了你的梦想呢？”（这总是我下一个要问的问题。）
她说：“我有六个孩子，当我外出的时侯，我找不到人去照顾他们。”
“让我们来看看有没有办法。”我说。
“这位女士每周在社区大学接受培训的一两天里，这个小组里有人能照顾一下她的六个孩子吗？”
一位女士说道：“我也有孩子，但我可以帮忙。”
“那就这么办。”我说。于是一个计划出炉了，那位女士去上课了。
每个人都有所领悟。那位安装纱门的男人成了一名杂务工。这位帮忙照看孩子的女人成了一名有执照的看护师。十二周后，我使得这组人都不再依靠公共福利而生活。这样的事，我不仅只成功了一次，而是已经帮助了更多的人自食其力。
【名人语库】
No man is useless in this world who lightens the burden of someone else.
【C. Dickens】
在这个世界上能为别人减轻负担的人都是有用的。
【查尔斯·狄更斯（英国小说家）】
Growth From Discontent: Life's Way of Giving You a Little Push 学会在不满意中成长
Edward B. Toupin
That strange, gut-wrenching feeling you have is not the sushi you had for lunch. It's your soul trying to give you a nudge to do something. A word for that feeling is“discontent”. Discontent is a state of not being satisfied or fulfilled in your current situation.
Of course, this same feeling can apply to a hundred different situations, from a work-related issue to a personal issue at home. But, the resulting meaning is still the same: “make a change.” Some people listen to that feeling and change their life in such a way as to eliminate that feeling. However, some people that fall into discontent, but tend to remain in that situation as they find it a place of “same-ness” and “safety”.
Souler Greenhouse
Discontent is actually a “souler greenhouse” of change. It is the first warnings you receive that things are not what they should be and that a change is required to correct the situation. Discontent comes when there is juxtaposition between needs and desires. Usually, you're pursuing a need, achieve it, and then continue to pursue the ideals of the same need. This occurs because you don't know what to do once you reach the objective. However, once you achieve a need, you need to move on to the next pursuit.
Many people find that discontent for a given situation is acceptable. For instance, discontent with your work might feel acceptable because you have to make money and care for your family. In this way, you learn to overcome the discontent by accepting the obligations. However, while this may work, it is not necessarily the route to take. Indeed, you might need the job, but this feeling is calling for an evaluation as some aspect of the situation needs attention.
Discontent can provide you with either a reason to stay right where you are or a fertile environment from which to move forward. While it does provide a way for the universe to bring attention to a situation, we sometimes become so accustomed to the feeling that it becomes part of our life. In such a case, if we adapt and the discontented feeling is resolved, we will miss it.
Growth
Growth from discontent is an amazing change. Again, comparing to the greenhouse, it can either smother you, or help you grow. However, change from discontent is something that you have to execute consciously, because discontent can also provide you with a safety zone. By accepting discontent in one part of your life, it can spread into other areas of your life. You can become satisfied with the feeling because it becomes familiar. However, you end up working on parts of your life in hopes of resolving the feeling when you find that, once that part of your life has changed, you still feel the same.
Growth occurs because you feel a push, or pull, to move in a direction. The objective is to obtain a balance such that the discontent disappears. Once you achieve the necessary change, you will be able to leave the discontented feelings behind you. Focus on the situation that makes you feel the discontent, not on other issues that may, or may not, make you feel better. The contented feeling from “doing busy work” or fixing something that isn't broken is fleeting, unless you tackle the core issue.
The growth comes in once you embrace the change. When you move from an area of the familiar, you must learn something new or different to adapt to the unfamiliar. However, in this transition, you are putting your life back in balance and moving forward, which eliminates those feelings of discontent.
What's next?
Don't let discontent drag you down! Listen to your gut! It will always tell you when change is necessary. It might be a simple gnawing feeling or a twisted knot. In either case, be honest with yourself and trust that feeling. Discontent is the universe's way of telling you that a change is necessary within yourself to resolve the situation. It is there to warn you of situations and guide you when things need to change.
To make the change, you have to know where you are and where you want to be in the near future. However, the one thing to keep in mind is that you want to achieve some type of balance to counter the discontent. Remember that discontent is caused from an imbalance in one or more parts of your life. Ask yourself, and focus on, what it is that is causing you the most concern. Once you are able to determine the issue, only then can you set out on a goal that satisfies the feeling. Such an approach will not only restore balance, but it will also allow you to move forward to a more fulfilling life.
那个奇怪、挠心的感觉并不是因为你午饭吃的寿司。那是你的灵魂给你一个动力要让你去做某件事。用一个词来概括这种感觉，就是“不满”。不满是对你现状的不满意或不满足。
当然，这同样的感觉也能出现在各种各样的情况下，从工作事宜到家庭个人问题。但是，由此而来的意义都一样：“要做出改变。”有些人会倾听这种感觉，然后去改变他们的生活以消除这种感觉。然而，另一些人会陷入这种不满当中，他们往往只是持续这种状况，因为他们感觉在其中“一样”和“安全”。
灵魂温室
不满实际上是一个变相的“灵魂温室”。它是当事情不是应该的样子、需要改变纠正情况时，发给你的最初的警告。当需求和渴求并列出现时，不满就会现身。通常，你在追求一个需求，实现了，然后继续追求同样的需求。之所以会出现这种情况，是因为你不知道达到目标后该做什么。然而，一旦你实现了需求，你就需要继续下一个追求。
许多人认为对某个处境不满是可以接受的。例如，对工作不满可以让人接受，因为你必须赚钱养家。这样，你学会了通过接受义务来克服不满。然而，尽管这也许奏效，却不一定是一条必选之路。的确，你可能需要这份工作，但是这种感觉是要求你对此作出评估，因为这个处境下的某个方面需要考虑。
不满提供给你的，要么是一个呆在原地的理由，要么是一个奋勇直前的丰硕环境。虽然它确实让人们关注一个处境，但是有时候我们对于这种感觉过于习以为常，因此它已经成为了我们生活的一部分。在这种情况下，如果我们适应了，而不满感也被解决，那么我们就会失去它。
成长
从不满中成长是一个令人惊奇的改变。同样用温室来比较，它可以令你窒息，又可以帮助你成长。然而，不满带来何种改变是要你有意识去执行的，因为不满还能为你提供一个舒适区。若你已接受生活中的一部分不满，不满就会漫及到你生活中的其他方方面面。你可能会对不满的感觉一直感到“满意”，因为它已经变得熟悉。然而，最终你会从生活各个部分去努力解决这种感觉，此时你就会发现当生活的某部分已经改变了，你却还是同样的感受。
当你感觉到朝着某个方向有一个推力或拉力时，你就会成长。目标是要获得一种平衡，这样不满就会消失。一旦你达到必要的改变，你将能把不满情绪抛在身后。关注于让你感觉不满的处境，而不是其他可能或可能不会让你感觉更好的问题上。从“忙于工作”、修理某样没坏的东西中获得的满足感，这是转瞬即逝的，除非你能解决核心问题。
一旦你成功改变，你也就成长了。当你从一个熟悉的领域走出来时，你必须学习新的或不同的东西来适应陌生感。不过，在这个转变过程中，你会重新让生活恢复平衡，并且向前进，这样就能把不满感消除。
下一步呢？
不要让不满拖后腿！听从你的心声！它总会告诉你何时有必要作出改变了。这可能只是一般的痛苦或纠结。不论怎样，对自己诚实，并相信这种感觉。不满是自然在告诉你，你必须要做出改变来解决目前的问题。它是要对你的处境发出警报，引导你做出所需的改变。
想要作出改变，你必须了解你目前的状况，以及不远将来的预想状况。然而，要记住一点，你希望用某种平衡来抵制不满。记住，不满是由于生活中一个或多个部分失衡所引起的。问一问自己，集中精力，什么是你最关心的。一旦你确定了问题所在，你才能开始制定一个满足自己的目标。这个方法不但能恢复平衡，还能让你朝更满意的生活前进。
【名人语库】
A thought which does not result in an action is nothing much, and an action which does not proceed from a thought is nothing at all.
【Georges Bernanos】
思想倘若不引发行动则意义不大，而行动倘若不是源于思想则毫无意义。
【乔治斯·贝尔纳诺斯（法国作家）】