第7章

My first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden age either; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties in habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failure in these points harassed me worse than the physical hardships of my lot; though these were no trifles.

During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows, and, after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church; but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: our ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were our feet: I remember well the distracting irritation I endured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrusting the swelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites of growing children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid. From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an abuse, which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity, they would coax or menace the little ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed at tea-time; and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger.

Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walk two miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We set out cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service we became almost paralysed. It was too far to return to dinner, and an allowance of cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportion observed in our ordinary meals, was served round between the services.

At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed and hilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range of snowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.

I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along our drooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered, gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept and example, to keep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said,“like stalwart soldiers.”The other teachers, poor things, were generally themselves too much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others.

How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we got back! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: each hearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row of great girls, and behind them the younger children crouched in groups, wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores.

A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double ration of bread-a whole, instead of a half, slice-with the delicious addition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat to which we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generally contrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; but the remainder I was invariably obliged to part with.

The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the Church Catechism, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St. Matthew; and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss Miller, whose irrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude of these performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by some half-dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would fall down, if not out of the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and be taken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into the centre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till the sermon was finished. Sometimes their feet failed them, and they sank together in a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors’high stools.

I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeed that gentleman was from home during the greater part of the first month after my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friend the archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not say that I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come he did at last.

One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I was sitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division, my eyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figure just passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline; and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, rose en masse, it was not necessary for me to look up in order to ascertain whose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured the schoolroom, and presently beside Miss Temple, who herself had risen, stood the same black column which had frowned on me so ominously from the hearthrug of Gateshead. I now glanced sideways at this piece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower, and more rigid than ever.

I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; too well I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about my disposition, &c.; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst to apprise Miss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along I had been dreading the fulfilment of this promise, —I had been looking out daily for the“Coming Man,”whose information respecting my past life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever: now there he was.

He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: I did not doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watched her eye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to see its dark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listened too; and as I happened to be seated quite at the top of the room, I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me from immediate apprehension.

“I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do; it struck me that it would be just of the quality for the calico chemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smith that I forgot to make a memorandum of the darning needles, but she shall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not, on any account, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil: if they have more, they are apt to be careless and lose them. And, O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to! —when I was here last, I went into the kitchen-garden and examined the clothes drying on the line;there was a quantity of black hose in a very bad state of repair: from the size of the holes in them I was sure they had not been well mended from time to time.”

He paused.

“Your directions shall be attended to, sir,”said Miss Temple.

“And, ma'am,”he continued,“the laundress tells me some of the girls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the rules limit them to one.”

“I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes and Catherine Johnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowton last Thursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers for the occasion.”

Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.

“Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstance occur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; I find, in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch, consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girls during the past fortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations, and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Who introduced this innovation? and by what authority?”

“I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir,”replied Miss Temple:“the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could not possibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fasting till dinner-time.”

“Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringing up these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury and indulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Should any little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such as the spoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of a dish, the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with something more delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body and obviating the aim of this institution; it ought to be improved to the spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evince fortitude under temporary privation. A brief address on those occasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructor would take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of the primitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs; to the exhortations of our blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciples to take up their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God;to His divine consolations,“If ye suffer hunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye.”Oh, madam, when you put bread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children's mouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think how you starve their immortal souls!”

Mr. Brocklehurst again paused-perhaps overcome by his feelings. Miss Temple had looked down when he first began to speak to her; but she now gazed straight before her, and her face, naturally pale as marble, appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity of that material; especially her mouth, closed as if it would have required a sculptor's chisel to open it, and her brow settled gradually into petrified severity.

Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his hands behind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenly his eye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzled or shocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accents than he had hitherto used-

“Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what-what is that girl with curled hair? Red hair, ma'am, curled-curled all over?”And extending his cane he pointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as he did so.

“It is Julia Severn,”replied Miss Temple, very quietly.

“Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair? Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house, does she conform to the world so openly-here in an evangelical, charitable establishment-as to wear her hair one mass of curls?”

“Julia's hair curls naturally,”returned Miss Temple, still more quietly.

“Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wish these girls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance? I have again and again intimated that I desire the hair to be arranged closely, modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hair must be cut off entirely; I will send a barber to-morrow: and I see others who have far too much of the excrescence-that tall girl, tell her to turn round. Tell all the first form to rise up and direct their faces to the wall.”

Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if to smooth away the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave the order, however, and when the first class could take in what was required of them, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, I could see the looks and grimaces with which they commented on this manoeuvre: it was a pity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too; he would perhaps have felt that, whatever he might do with the outside of the cup and platter, the inside was further beyond his interference than he imagined.

He scrutinised the reverse of these living medals some five minutes, then pronounced sentence. These words fell like the knell of doom-

“All those top-knots must be cut off.”

Miss Temple seemed to remonstrate.

“Madam,”he pursued,“I have a Master to serve whose kingdom is not of this world:my mission is to mortify in these girls the lusts of the flesh; to teach them to clothe themselves with shame-facedness and sobriety, not with braided hair and costly apparel;and each of the young persons before us has a string of hair twisted in plaits which vanity itself might have woven; these, I repeat, must be cut off; think of the time wasted, of—”

Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: three other visitors, ladies, now entered the room. They ought to have come a little sooner to have heard his lecture on dress, for they were splendidly attired in velvet, silk, and furs. The two younger of the trio (fine girls of sixteen and seventeen) had grey beaver hats, then in fashion, shaded with ostrich plumes, and from under the brim of this graceful head-dress fell a profusion of light tresses, elaborately curled; the elder lady was enveloped in a costly velvet shawl, trimmed with ermine, and she wore a false front of French curls.

These ladies were deferentially received by Miss Temple, as Mrs. and the Misses Brocklehurst, and conducted to seats of honour at the top of the room. It seems they had come in the carriage with their reverend relative, and had been conducting a rummaging scrutiny of the room upstairs, while he transacted business with the housekeeper, questioned the laundress, and lectured the superintendent. They now proceeded to address divers remarks and reproofs to Miss Smith, who was charged with the care of the linen and the inspection of the dormitories: but I had no time to listen to what they said; other matters called off and enchanted my attention.

Hitherto, while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst and Miss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions to secure my personal safety; which I thought would be effected, if I could only elude observation. To this end, I had sat well back on the form, and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held my slate in such a manner as to conceal my face: I might have escaped notice, had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip from my hand, and falling with an obtrusive crash, directly drawn every eye upon me; I knew it was all over now, and, as I stooped to pick up the two fragments of slate, I rallied my forces for the worst. It came.

“A careless girl!”said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after—“It is the new pupil, I perceive.”And before I could draw breath,“I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her.”Then aloud: how loud it seemed to me!“Let the child who broke her slate come forward!”

Of my own accord I could not have stirred; I was paralysed: but the two great girls who sit on each side of me, set me on my legs and pushed me towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gently assisted me to his very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel-

“Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not be punished.”

The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger.

“Another minute, and she will despise me for a hypocrite,”thought I; and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co. bounded in my pulses at the conviction. I was no Helen Burns.

“Fetch that stool,”said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very high one from which a monitor had just risen: it was brought.

“Place the child upon it.”

And I was placed there, by whom I don't know: I was in no condition to note particulars;I was only aware that they had hoisted me up to the height of Mr. Brocklehurst's nose, that he was within a yard of me, and that a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelisses and a cloud of silvery plumage extended and waved below me.

Mr. Brocklehurst hemmed.

“Ladies,”said he, turning to his family,“Miss Temple, teachers, and children, you all see this girl?”

Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning-glasses against my scorched skin.

“You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinary form of childhood;God has graciously given her the shape that He has given to all of us; no signal deformity points her out as a marked character. Who would think that the Evil One had already found a servant and agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, is the case.”

A pause-in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves, and to feel that the Rubicon was passed; and that the trial, no longer to be shirked, must be firmly sustained.

“My dear children,”pursued the black marble clergyman, with pathos,“this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty to warn you, that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, is a little castaway: not a member of the true flock, but evidently an interloper and an alien. You must be on your guard against her; you must shun her example; if necessary, avoid her company, exclude her from your sports, and shut her out from your converse. Teachers, you must watch her: keep your eyes on her movements, weigh well her words, scrutinise her actions, punish her body to save her soul: if, indeed, such salvation be possible, for (my tongue falters while I tell it) this girl, this child, the native of a Christian land, worse than many a little heathen who says its prayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut-this girl is-a liar!”

Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time in perfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehursts produce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics, while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger ones whispered,“How shocking!”Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.

“This I learned from her benefactress; from the pious and charitable lady who adopted her in her orphan state, reared her as her own daughter, and whose kindness, whose generosity the unhappy girl repaid by an ingratitude so bad, so dreadful, that at last her excellent patroness was obliged to separate her from her own young ones, fearful lest her vicious example should contaminate their purity: she has sent her here to be healed, even as the Jews of old sent their diseased to the troubled pool of Bethesda; and, teachers, superintendent, I beg of you not to allow the waters to stagnate round her.”

With this sublime conclusion, Mr. Brocklehurst adjusted the top button of his surtout, muttered something to his family, who rose, bowed to Miss Temple, and then all the great people sailed in state from the room. Turning at the door, my judge said-

“Let her stand half-an-hour longer on that stool, and let no one speak to her during the remainder of the day.”

There was I, then, mounted aloft; I, who had said I could not bear the shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the room, was now exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy. What my sensations were no language can describe; but just as they all rose, stifling my breath and constricting my throat, a girl came up and passed me: in passing, she lifted her eyes. What a strange light inspired them! What an extraordinary sensation that ray sent through me! How the new feeling bore me up! It was as if a martyr, a hero, had passed a slave or victim, and imparted strength in the transit. I mastered the rising hysteria, lifted up my head, and took a firm stand on the stool. Helen Burns asked some slight question about her work of Miss Smith, was chidden for the triviality of the inquiry, returned to her place, and smiled at me as she again went by. What a smile! I remember it now, and I know that it was the effluence of fine intellect, of true courage; it lit up her marked lineaments, her thin face, her sunken grey eye, like a reflection from the aspect of an angel. Yet at that moment Helen Burns wore on her arm“the untidy badge;”scarcely an hour ago I had heard her condemned by Miss Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on the morrow because she had blotted an exercise in copying it out. Such is the imperfect nature of man! such spots are there on the disc of the clearest planet; and eyes like Miss Scatcherd's can only see those minute defects, and are blind to the full brightness of the orb.

我在洛伍德的第一个季度就像过了一个时代，而且不是黄金时代。它包括一场令人心烦克服重重困难的搏斗，使自己适应新规则和不习惯的功课。害怕在这方面失败的担心困扰着我，比我命里注定肉体上的困苦更糟，尽管这些并不是小事。

在一月、二月和三月的部分日子里，除了去教堂之外，厚厚的积雪，以及雪化后几乎难以通行的道路阻止我们花园围墙外活动，但是，在这些限制范围内，我们每天不得不在户外度过一个小时。我们的衣服不足以抵御严寒。大家没有靴子，雪灌进了鞋里，并在里面融化。我们没有手套，手都被冻木了，像我们的脚一样长满了冻疮。我记忆犹新，每天晚上都两脚红肿，到了早上又要把肿胀、刺痛和僵硬的脚趾硬伸进鞋里，真是痛痒难忍。食品供应不足，也让人痛苦。孩子们正是长身体的年龄，食欲强烈，我们吃的东西却不够养活一个虚弱的病人。营养缺乏导致了恶习，这害苦了年龄较小的学生。饥肠辘辘的大女孩只要有机会，就会连哄带吓把小女孩的那份夺走。我在吃茶点时好多次都把那口宝贵的黑面包分给两个讨食者，把半杯咖啡让给第三个，自己因饿得发慌而默默落泪。

那个冬季的星期天沉闷枯燥。我们不得不走两英里，前往资助人主持的布罗克布里奇教堂。我们出发时很冷，到达教堂时更冷。早祷时，我们都快冻僵了。这儿离学校太远了，无法回去吃饭，两次祷告之间吃一份冷肉和面包，分量跟平常的饭一样吝啬。

下午的祷告结束后，我们顺着一条光秃秃的山路返回。刺骨的寒风越过白雪皑皑的山岭，刮到北边，几乎从我们的脸上刮掉了一层皮。

我至今还能记得，坦普尔小姐脚步轻快地跟我们垂头丧气的队伍一起走，寒风刮得她的格子花呢外衣紧贴在身上。她一边训诫，一边以身作则，鼓励我们打起精神，如她所说，“像坚强的战士”那样前进。其他老师——可怜巴巴——大都自己也垂头丧气，没有试图去给别人鼓劲。

回校后，我们多么渴望熊熊炉火发出的光和热啊！但是，至少对小女孩来说，这是不可能的。教室里的每个壁炉马上被两排大女孩团团围住，小女孩们成群成群地蹲在她们的后面，用连胸围裙裹着冻僵的胳膊。

吃茶点时，才来了一点安慰，发给了双份面包——一整片，而不是半片——带有薄薄一层美味可口的黄油。这是每周一次的享受，我们从一个安息日到另一个安息日都盼望着。我通常设法把一部分美餐留给自己，剩下的总是不得不分给别人。

星期天晚上要背诵《教堂教义问答书》和《马太福音》第五章、第六章和第七章，还要听米勒小姐长长的讲道，她禁不住连打哈欠，表明她也困了。在这些表演中，常常有一个插曲，就是大约六个小女孩扮演尤图霍斯的角色，因为瞌睡得不行，她们虽然不是从三楼而是从第四排长凳上跌倒，扶起来时也摔得半死。补救办法就是把她们推到教室中央，迫使她们站在那儿，直到布道结束。有时她们的两只脚不听使唤，蜷缩成一团，于是不得不用班长的高凳撑住她们。

我还没有提到布罗克赫斯特先生的访问，其实，这位先生在我到达后第一个月的大部分时间都不在家。也许他在副主教朋友那儿多逗留了一段时间。他不在，使我松了口气。我不用说我自己有怕他来的理由，但他最后还是来了。

一天下午（我已经到洛伍德三个星期了），我手里拿了一块石板坐在那儿，正在苦思冥想做一道长除法题，心不在焉地抬眼看了看窗口，正好瞥见一个人影闪过。我几乎是本能地认出了那个瘦长的身影。两分钟后，师生全体都站起来。我不必抬头，就断定她们是在迎接谁进屋。这个人大步流星走进教室，不一会儿，在早已起立的坦普尔小姐身边，竖起了一根黑柱，就是这根黑柱曾在盖茨黑德府的壁炉地毯上凶多吉少地对我皱过眉。我此刻瞥了一眼这根黑柱。是的，我没错，就是布罗克赫斯特先生，只见他穿着紧身长外衣，扣紧了纽扣，看上去比以前更细长、更古板。

我有理由因这个幽灵感到沮丧。我记得一清二楚，就是里德太太曾背信弃义地暗示过我的性情等，布罗克赫斯特先生曾作过保证要把我的恶劣本性告诉坦普尔小姐和老师们。我一直害怕这个保证会得以实现——我每天都一直在提防着这个“即将到来的人”。他对我过去生活的信息和谈话会永远给我打上坏孩子的烙印。他此刻就在那儿。

他站在坦普尔小姐的身边，正在对她低声耳语。我敢肯定他是在透露我的恶行。我痛苦而又焦虑地注视着她的眼睛，时时刻刻都在期待着乌黑的眼珠转过来，厌恶和蔑视地瞟我一眼。我也侧耳倾听，因为我碰巧坐在房间的上首，所以他说的话我大部分都听得见。谈话的意思消除了我眼前的忧虑。

“坦普尔小姐，我想我在洛顿买的线会顶用，我想这质量正适合做白棉布无袖衬衫，我还挑选了跟它匹配的针。你可以告诉史密斯小姐，我忘记了买织补针的事儿，但下周我会派人送一些纸，给每个学生分发一次不要超过一张。要是给她们多了，她们就容易粗心大意弄丢了。噢，小姐！我希望羊毛袜照看得更好！——我上次到这儿时，走进菜园，查看了一下晾在绳子上的衣服，看到有好多黑色长筒袜都破得不成样子，该补补了。从破洞的大小来看，我敢说它们一次都没有好好修补过。”

他停顿了一下。

“先生，你的指示一定要执行。”坦普尔小姐说。

“还有，小姐，”他接着说道，“洗衣女工告诉我说，有些女孩一星期用两块清洁的领布，这太多了，规定是限制她们只用一块。”

“先生，我想我可以解释一下这种情况。艾格妮丝和凯瑟琳·约翰斯通上星期四应一些朋友的邀请去洛顿吃茶点，所以我允许她们在这种场合戴上干净的领布。”

布罗克赫斯特先生点了点头。

“好吧，这次就算过去了。可是，请不要让这种情况经常发生。还有一件让我吃惊的事儿，跟管家结账时，我发现上两星期给女孩们分发午饭时两次都包括面包和奶酪。这是怎么回事？我仔细检查了那些规定，没有发现午饭提到过这种饭食。是谁引进的这种创新？又得到了什么当局的批准？”

“先生，我必须对这个情况负责，”坦普尔小姐回答说，“早饭做得很糟，学生们都难以下咽，我不敢让她们空腹等到吃午饭。”

“小姐，允许我说一句。你知道我培养这些女孩的计划不是让她们养成奢侈放纵的习惯，而是让她们艰苦、忍耐、克己。要是偶尔发生不合口味的小事，比如一顿饭做坏，一种菜没有烧熟或烧煳，也不应该用更精美的东西来代替失去的生活享受，这样既娇生惯养了肉体，也摒弃了这所学校的宗旨。这件事应该用来提高学生们的精神修养，鼓励她们在暂时贫困的情况下表现出不屈不挠的精神。在这种场合下，要不失时机地发表一个简短讲话。一位明断的导师会抓住机遇，提到早期基督徒遭受的磨难；提到殉道者遭受的折磨；提到我们神圣的上帝本人号召使徒们背起十字架跟他走时的规劝；提到他发出的人活着不是仅靠食物，而是靠上帝嘴里说出的每个字的警告；提到他神圣的安慰：‘要是你因为我的缘故饥渴，你就幸福。’噢，小姐，当你不是把烧煳的粥，而是把面包和奶酪放进孩子们的嘴里时，你可能是在喂她们邪恶的身体，但你完全没想到你这是让她们不朽的灵魂挨饿啊！”

布罗克赫斯特先生又停顿了一下——也许是他的感情受到了困扰。他刚开始讲话时，坦普尔小姐低着头，但是，现在她直视前面，自然白皙的大理石般的脸庞似乎也呈现出大理石那种冰冷和坚定，尤其是她的嘴巴闭合，好像需要雕刻家的凿子打开它，表情渐渐变得发呆严厉。

同时，布罗克赫斯特先生背着双手站在炉前，威严地俯视着全校。突然，他的眼睛眨了一下，好像它碰到了耀眼或震撼的什么东西。他转过身，用比先前更急促的口音说道——

“坦普尔小姐，坦普尔小姐，那个鬈发女孩是怎么——怎么回事？红头发，小姐，卷过了——全都卷过了？”说着，他用手杖指着那个可怕的东西，一边指，手一边颤抖。

“那是朱丽雅·塞弗恩。”坦普尔小姐非常平静地答道。

“朱丽雅·塞弗恩，小姐！为什么她或别人卷发？为什么，在这样一个福音慈善机构里，她竟敢无视这儿的清规戒律，竟公然迎合世俗，留这一头鬈发？”

“朱丽雅的头发是自来卷。”坦普尔小姐更加平静地答道。

“自来卷！是的，但我们不能依照天性。我希望这些女孩都能成为受上帝恩惠的孩子，为什么要留那么多头发？我已经再三宣布过，我希望头发要剪短，简单朴素。坦普尔小姐，那个女孩的头发必须全部剪掉，我明天就会派理发师来。我看到其他女孩的头发也太累赘了——那个高个女孩，让她转过身。让一班起立，转过脸对着墙。”

坦普尔小姐用手帕擦了擦嘴唇，好像是要抹去嘴角上不知不觉的微笑。然后，她还是下了命令。第一班学生领会对她们的要求之后，都听从了命令。我坐在长凳上，稍微向后靠，可以看到各种表情和鬼脸，对这种调遣进行批评。可惜的是，布罗克赫斯特先生没能看到，否则他也许会感到，无论他怎样摆弄杯盘的外表，其内部却远不是他想象的那样可以干涉。

他对这些活奖牌的背面细看了大约五分钟，然后宣布了判决。这些话像丧钟一样响起——

“所有那些顶髻必须统统剪掉。”

坦普尔小姐好像要抗议。

“小姐，”他接着说道，“我要为主效力，他的王国并不是这个世界。我的使命就是抑制这些女孩的肉欲，教导她们衣着要克制，不要花哨，不梳辫子，不穿贵重衣服。而我们面前的每个年轻人出于虚荣心，把一束头发辫成了辫子。我再说一遍，这些头发必须剪掉。想一下为此浪费的时间，想——”

说到这儿，布罗克赫斯特先生被打断了。另外三位客人现在走进了教室，都是女士。她们应该来得再早一点，就会听到他对衣着的告诫，因为她们衣着华丽，穿的是丝绒、绸缎和毛皮。三位中的两位年轻的（十六七岁的漂亮女孩）戴着当时流行的灰色海狸皮帽，帽子上插着鸵鸟毛，雅致的头饰边沿下面是一团浓密的浅色鬈发，烫得非常精巧；那位年长的女士裹着一条装饰着貂皮的贵重丝绒披肩，额前是法式假鬈发。

这些女士是布罗克赫斯特太太和两位布罗克赫斯特小姐，她们受到了坦普尔小姐的恭敬接待，并被引到了教室前面的上座。看来她们是跟她们那位担任牧师的亲属一起坐马车来的。在他跟管家处理业务、询问洗衣女工、教训学监时，她们一直在楼上的房间仔细查看。她们此刻对负责照管衣被和检查寝室的史密斯小姐提出了种种评说和责难。但是，我没有时间去听她们说什么，其他事儿打岔，引起了我的注意。

到目前为止，我在关注布罗克赫斯特先生和坦普尔小姐的讲话的同时，没有忽略防范，确保自身安全。我想，只要能不被看到，安全就会保证。为了这个目的，我坐在长凳上，身体向后靠，看上去像在忙着计算，把石板端得刚好遮住脸。要不是我那块不牢靠的石板莫名其妙地碰巧从我的手里滑落，突然砰地落下，马上吸引了所有人的目光，我是本可以逃避别人注意的。我知道现在全完了。我弯下腰拾起碎成两半的石板，鼓足勇气准备面对最糟的情况。它终于来了。

“马虎的女孩！”布罗克赫斯特先生说，随后马上又说道——“我看出这是一个新来的学生。”我还没能喘过气来，他又说道，“我不能忘了，我要简短地说一下有关她的事儿。”之后，他大声地说。在我听来，那声音是多么响亮！“让那个打破石板的孩子上前来！”

我自己动弹不了，瘫在了那儿。但是，两个坐在我两边的大女孩扶我站了起来，把我推向了那个可怕的法官。随后，坦普尔小姐轻轻地把我扶到他的脚前。我听到她低声的忠告——

“简，不要怕，我明白这是一次意外，你是不会受罚的。”

这个善意的低语像匕首一样投向我的心里。

“再过一分钟，她就会把我当成伪君子瞧不起我，”我想。一想到这些，心中便激起了一腔怒火。我不是海伦·彭斯。

“把那只凳子拿过来。”布罗克赫斯特先生指着一条高高的凳子说，一位班长刚从那儿站起来。凳子搬来了。

“把这个孩子放上去。”

我被放到了凳子上，不知道是谁放的。我不可能去注意细节，只知道他们把我放到了跟布罗克赫斯特先生鼻子一样高的地方，只知道他离我不到一码远，只知道一片橘黄色和紫色闪缎饰皮上衣和一大片银羽在我下面扩展和飘拂。

布罗克赫斯特先生清了清嗓子。

“女士们，”他转向他的家人说，“坦普尔小姐，老师们，孩子们，你们都看到了这个女孩了吧？”

她们当然看到了，因为我感到她们的眼睛像火镜一样对准了我烧灼的皮肤。

“你们看到她还很小，你们观察到她具有孩子普通的外貌，上帝慈悲，赐给了她跟我们大家一样的体形，没有任何残缺的迹象，表明她是一个差别明显的人。谁会想到魔鬼已经在她身上找到了一个奴仆和代理人呢？可是，我要伤心地说，事实正是这样。”

暂停了一下——我开始稳住自己颤抖的神经，觉得卢比孔河已经渡过，既然审判再也躲不过，那就必须坚强承受。

“亲爱的孩子们，”这个黑色大理石般的牧师悲悯地继续说道，“这是一个伤心忧郁的时刻，因为我有责任警告你们，这个可能成为上帝羔羊的女孩是小弃儿，不是真正羊群中的一员，显然是闯入者和局外人。你们必须提防她，千万不要学她的样子。如有必要，不要跟她做伴，不要让她跟你们一起玩，不要让她跟你们说话。老师们，你们必须监视她，监视她的一举一动，要好好斟酌她说的话，要细察她的举止，要惩罚她的肉体，以拯救她的灵魂——当然，要是她的灵魂真能拯救的话，因为（我讲述时舌头磕绊）这个女孩，这个孩子，基督国土的原乡人，比好多向梵天祈祷、向世界主宰神像跪拜的小异教徒还坏，这个女孩是——一个说谎者！”

这时停顿了十分钟。我此刻镇定自若，看到布罗克赫斯特家的三个女人都掏出了手帕，擦了擦眼睛，那位年长的女士前后摇晃，两位年轻女士低声说道：“多么令人震惊！”

布罗克赫斯特先生继续说了起来。

“我这是从她的女恩人，从那位虔诚仁慈的太太那儿得知的。这位太太在她成为孤儿后收养了她，把她当亲生女儿抚养，这个不幸女孩却用如此邪恶、如此可怕的忘恩负义来报答她的慷慨仁慈，最后她那位出色的女恩人不得不把她跟自己的子女们隔开，唯恐她的邪恶榜样会玷污他们的纯洁。这位恩人把她送到这儿医治，甚至就像古犹太人把病人送往毕士大池搅动的水里一样。老师们、学监，我请求你们不要让她四周成为一潭死水。”

说完这句出色的结束语之后，布罗克赫斯特先生调整了一下长外衣最上面的一颗纽扣，对他的家人咕哝了几句。他的家人站起来，对坦普尔小姐鞠了一躬，随后所有的大人物都郑重地走出了房间。我的这位法官走到门口时，转过头说道——

“让她在凳子上再站半小时。今天剩下的时间，谁也不准跟她说话。”

于是，我就高高地站在那儿。我曾说过，我受不了独自站在房间中央的耻辱。此刻，我却站在耻辱台上，暴露在众目睽睽之下。我百感交集，难以言表，但是，正当这些情感都升腾而起，呼吸困难，喉咙哽咽时，一个女孩走上前，经过我的身边，她经过时，抬起了眼睛。那双眼睛闪出了多么奇特的光芒！这道光芒使我全身产生了多么奇特的感觉！这种感觉给了我多么大的支持啊！就像一位殉道者、一名英雄走过一个奴隶或牺牲者的身边，把力量传给了他。我控制住了正要发作的歇斯底里，抬起头，坚定地站在凳子上。海伦·彭斯问了史密斯小姐一个有关活计的小问题，因为问题琐碎，所以受到了斥责。她返回自己的座位，又一次经过时，向我微微一笑。多好的微笑！我现在还记得她的微笑，我知道这是出色智慧和真正勇气的流露，它像天使脸上的反光一样，照亮了她引人注目的面部轮廓、瘦削的脸庞和凹陷的灰眼睛。然而，在那个时刻，海伦·彭斯的胳膊上戴着“不洁的标记”。不到一小时前，我听到斯堪切德小姐罚她明天午饭吃面包、喝水，因为她在抄写习题时留下了污点。这就是人类的不完美天性！最明亮的行星上也有这种斑点。像斯堪切德小姐这样的眼睛只能看到那些细微的缺陷，对星球的耀眼光芒却视而不见。