■一只狗狗的临终告白
A Dog’s Last Will

◎Umberto Eco/安贝托·艾柯

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics[41] and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad”, you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?”—but then you’d relent, and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream（I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs,” you said）, and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently,

经典谚语

A candle lights others and consumes itself.

蜡烛照亮别人，却毁灭了自己。

当我还是一只小狗崽儿的时候，我总是用自己滑稽的动作和你玩耍，逗得你开怀大笑。你称我是你的孩子，尽管我咬坏了你很多双鞋子和一对靠枕，我依然是你最好的朋友。无论什么时候我干了“坏”事，你总是用手指指着我说：“你怎么可以这样？”但是，接着你就会原谅我，揉我的肚皮，害得我到处打滚。

对我的训练总是要拖很久才能进行，因为你总是那么忙，不过，我们还是会一起训练。记得那些夜晚，我在床上用鼻子蹭你，听你诉说你的知心话和梦想，那时觉得那样的生活是最完美的。我们去公园里散步、追逐、兜风，停下来去买冰激凌（你只给我买球果，你说狗狗不适合吃冰激凌），傍晚的时候，我在太阳下一直打盹，等着你回来。

渐渐地，你在工作和事业上花的时间越来越多，并且花更多的时间去寻找你的另一半。伴随着心碎和失望，我还是耐心地等着你、安慰着

comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided[42] you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a “dog person”—still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love”. As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch—because your touch was now so infrequent—and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being “your dog” to “just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family”, but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the

你，从来没有责怪过你所做的错误决定。每天，只要你一踏进家门，我都会欢快地扑向你，并且当你坠入爱河时，我也会为你高兴得团团转。她，你现在的妻子，并不是一个“爱狗之人”——但我还是欢迎她来到我们家，还努力地向她表达我对她的喜爱，并听她的话。因为你开心，所以我也开心。

后来，你们的孩子出生了，我也跟你一样万分雀跃。我被他们粉嫩的脸蛋和身上的气息所深深吸引，我也想像母亲一样照顾他们。只是你和你的妻子都担心我会伤到他们，所以大部分时间我都被赶到另一个房间或狗笼里。哎，我是多么想去爱他们呀，但我成了一个“爱的囚犯”。孩子们慢慢长大了，我成了他们的好朋友。他们喜欢抓着我的毛发摇摇晃晃地站起来，喜欢用小手指戳我的眼睛，喜欢观察我的耳朵，也喜欢亲吻我的鼻子。我喜欢他们的一切，喜欢他们对我的抚摩，因为你已经很少抚摩我了，如果有需要的话，我会用我的生命来保护他们。我会偷偷溜进他们的被窝，聆听他们的心事和梦想，和他们一起等着你回家。

曾经，别人问你家里有没有养狗，你就从钱包里拿出一张我的照片给他们看，跟他们讲述我的故事。可是，近几年，若是再有人问起，你只是冷冷地说有，然后就转换了话题。我从“你的狗狗”变成只是“一条狗”了，甚至你对我的每一笔开销都变得吝啬起来。现在，你在另一个城市有了新的事业机会，你和他们将搬到一座不允许养宠物的公寓里。你为你的“家庭”做出了正确的决定，但曾几何时，我才是你唯一的家庭成员。

在车上我一直很兴奋，直到我们到了动物收容所。里面有狗和猫的气味，也有恐惧和绝望的气息。你填完了相关资料，说：“我知道你们

paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her”. They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers”. You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed “No, Daddy. Please don’t let them take my dog!” And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty[43], about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked “How could you?”

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you—that you had changed your mind—that this was all a bad dream ... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She

会为她找一个好人家的。”他们耸耸肩，面露难色。他们明白一只中年狗所要面对的残酷现实，虽然他们有各种各样的“文件”。当你的儿子哭喊着“不要！爸爸，求你别让他们带走我的狗！”的时候，你只是掰开他抓着我的项圈的手。我很担心他，更担心你教给他的人生课：什么是友情、什么是忠诚、什么是爱、什么是责任、什么是对生命的尊重！

你拍拍我的头说再见，不敢看我的眼睛，并礼貌地拒绝带走我的项圈和链子。这是你最后见我的期限，也是我最后见你的期限。你走后，那两位好心的女职员说，你可能在几个月前就知道要搬家了，却从来没有试过要为我另找一个好家庭。她们摇摇头说：“他怎么能这样？”

在收容所里，她们整天忙得团团转，但只要一有空，她们就会尽力照料我们。当然，她们会给我们喂食，但我这几天都没有胃口。开始的时候，只要有人经过我的圈栏，我就会冲到前面去，满心期待会是你——以为你回心转意了——以为这一切都只是一场噩梦……或者希望至少是一个关心我、能救我的人。当我意识到，我不能和那些幸福的小狗竞相嬉戏以引起注意时，我只好躲在一个远远的角落里等待，而它们对自己的命运浑然不知。

那天傍晚，我听到她向我走来，然后，我就跟着她轻轻地穿过走道，走进另一个房间。那是一个异常安静的房间。

她把我放在一张桌子上，摸着我的耳朵叫我不要担心。我的心砰砰地跳着，预测着即将发生的事，但同时也有一种得到解脱的感觉。我这个爱的囚犯已经时日不多了。但是，本性使然，我更担心的是她。沉重的负担压在她身上，这我也知道，正如我了解你的每一种心绪一样。她温柔地为我的前腿绑上止血带，泪珠滑下了脸颊。我舔着她的手，犹如

gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said, “I’m so sorry.” She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself—a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “How could you?” was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

多年前安慰你一样。她熟练地把注射器针头插入我的静脉里。伴随着一阵刺痛，我感觉到一股冷流流遍我的全身。我昏昏沉沉地躺下了，看着她友善的眼睛，喃喃地说：“你怎么可以这样？”

也许是她听懂了我的话，她对我说：“真的很对不起。”她抱着我，急忙向我解释说这是她的工作，她要确保把我带去一个更好的地方，一个充满爱和光明、跟尘世完全不同的世界，在那里我再也不会受冷落、遭欺凌、被丢弃，也不需要自谋生路……

用尽最后一丝力气，我用尾巴敲了一下桌子，竭力想让她知道那句“你怎么可以这样？”不是针对她说的，而是对你——我最爱的主人说的。我一直都在想念你，我会永远怀念你，永远等待你。我只希望，你生命中的每一个人也可以如此忠诚地对待你。